Punjabis vs Hydros | Muslims in The Workplace

AA

My goal for eventual assimilation of Hydros in the Chicagoland area has taken a small step forward. At work, the latest fellow Clinical Project Manager is, I'm proud to say, a Muslim Punjabi. On top of that, I actually know the guy from before, too! MashaAllah, he's a cool person and I'm looking forward to working with him. I can't tell you how great it is to have one of my "own" people there at work. Aside from my brief stint doing research at UIC/VA Hospital for about 6 months, I have been primarily Muslim-less in the workplace. In fact, usually I am the single face of Islam most of these people have to personally deal with.

It's not like I was dying to have another Muslim desi (Hydro, Punjabi, Memon, whatever) working with me, but it is nice. I have an extra accomplice for lunches and more importantly another person to pray with, too. While I thankfully get along really, really well with everyone at work, it's still good to have some sort of familiarity there as well. Not having to listen to someone about how good their night was because they went out to the bar (or "pub," when I'm talking to my UK counterparts) is actually refreshing. And having an element of brotherhood adds a "realness" factor to it that's just hard to put into words. Perhaps you need to be in the same work environment as I am to fully understand all this. To understand that the comfort speaks for itself, though I am the first to protest against having too many desis at the work place (thanks goodness I'm not a programmer!). That can drive you crazy. In Corporate America, much like you need your daily dose of caffeine, you also need your daily dose of goras. Seriously. I mean, how else do you expect to climb the corporate ladder? :)

I'll also mention that another nice thing to have another Muslim working with me is that I've always been a strong contender that more Muslims should get into the pharmaceutical/clinical trial industry. The opportunities are really phenom in that it's very interesting and can also be very rewarding (especially if you work directly for a sponsor/pharma company). So, I guess seeing the new guy is comforting for me in that there's actually another person in my community that can relate to and understand what I do. Explaining my career to pharma "outsiders" can be challenging. You tell it to a desi uncle or aunty and they think that you're a pharmacist. They actually look down on you likely thinking to themselves, Oh, so he couldn't make the cut for being a doctor, so he's only a pharmacist. And then when you try to clarify it some more, they just look at you strangely as if they have suddenly forgotten how to speak or understand English. It's very frustrating. So now, moving forward, I can say, "Oh, Aunty, there are a lot of desis in my field. It's growing rapidly." And then I'll finish my conversation with them by saying, "...and I get to go to Paris, Vegas, Madrid, etc. for free." At that point, they've suddenly understood everything I said for the past 10 minutes and they conclude by saying, "Oh, vell, I have a daughter that..." Sigh! Desis!

Well, to get to my main point here... So now I finally out number Baseer and his goons (the Hydros) with the new guy (Sarosh). The reason being is based on the following simple axiom: One Punjabi is the equivalent in strength and overall appeal than 10 Hydros. Just keep that principle in mind, folks. Anyway, here are some excerpts from our emailing today (you'll see why I like Sarosh so much now):

Imran [in response to Baseer selling out on me & Sarosh for lunch]: "Yeah, dude. Just because we're both Punjabis and you didn't want to feel like a minority doesn't mean you should stop coming to lunch, dude. We're a passionate people. We love all..."

Baseer: "Punjabi, Schmunjabi..."

Sarosh: "Look at our illusturious hydro brother...so sad he had to bring himself to the all time low of blatant unintelligable name calling. Alas...what can we expect of him...he is hydro you know...(OH SCHNAPS....NO HE DIDN'T...OH YAH HE DID). let the good times roll"

Baseer: "Only good thing that came out of Punjab is smelly Sikhs and wheat....(OH SCHNAPS....NO HE DIDN'T...OH YAH HE DID)"

Sarosh: "I guess if all else fails...just copy the punjabi. ;-) Here's looking at you kid"

Baseer: "This is awesome...BTW, Discover needs those phones cleaned by tonight...[note: that's a running inside joke reference of referring to my company as CleanPhone]"

Sarosh: "Just ask Imran...he'll agree. The last hydro said the same thing...damn man you guys must have some kind of dialogue you follow whenever you talk to punjabis."

Baseer: "yeah we do...cuz punjabis' vocabulary is limited to a small number of words and their combinations..."

Sarosh: "Your logic is a little messed up...if hydros are the ones following a script/dialogue...then how is our vocabulary the limited one? Makes you wonder how you got your job over there at discover.... BURN!!!"

Imran [as you can see, Sarosh was enough of an assault, though Baseer got some good ones in...]: "Hydros are still mad that they never had it in them to leave Hindustan and join the men in Pakistan."

Baseer: "HEHE..the men that ran away for a small portion instead of staying and claiming all of India?"

Imran: "No, we ran away from the odor of Hindustanis and their beotches (= hydros). No sane man could tolerate that..."

***
And so the fight continues.


DISCLAIMER: For my sensitive readers out there, you should note that this is in all good fun. In fact, I talked to Baseer later in the afternoon and we joked about it. We laughed on how it was funny to see the tables turned on him, because usually I'm the one being attacked by him and some of the other guys. In the end, we're all brothers and we all love one another.


Holla!