Fantasy 2006

I'm the one with the hands sticking out.

AA

Okay, first, let's get our minds out of the gutter, people. I'm not dedicating a posting to my or your explicit fantasies for 2006. While it may make for some fascinating conversation, I'll save it for another time (or just avoid it all together, actually)...

Instead, I'm talking about the only thing that matters, at least right now. Fantasy Football.

This year, me and my puthr AJ did it real big. We had a Fantasy Football Draft Party at AJ's apt. The set-up for the event was spot-on. Bags of chips, salsa dip, diet pepsi for us aging, old men, and Giordanos deep dish pizza. All courtesy of none other than AJ, mashaAllah.

You have to realize that the way we arranged for this league to get organized was very corporate and highly professional. Just take a look at the key personnel involved in the league:

Ahmed (AJ). Hydro (his one and only fault). Sayyid/Banu Hashm. Senior auditor. The League Commissioner and Shaykh. DePaul educated; DMC [DePaul Muslim Crew] member. En route for CPA and possibly law school thereafter. Chevrolet Malibu owner. Future pimped-out condo owner. Married. No kids. No pets.

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[Does "wife" fall under the "pet" category? Just asking!]

Imran. Punjabi. Pakistani. Rajpoothi. Clinical Project Manager. Semi-co-commissioner and League Marketing Director. DePaul (DMC member), but still finishing in the ghetto -- CSU. Toyota Corolla owner. Travelling to Vegas and Paris for work soon. Single. Travelling to Vegas and Paris for work soon. Single. Trave... Get the hint, people?

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[Oh, and part-time model.]

Badie. Arab. Palestine & Syria. Global Operations Director for a Major Media Conglommerate. DePaul educated; DMC member. BMW M3 owner. Single. Community leader.

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[How amazing did that just sound, mA?]

Alaa (Aladdin). Arab. Palestine. Global Operations Director for Meadowbrook Homes. DePaul educated; DMC member. Porsche owner. Not so single anymore.

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[Unknown about the kids, though. ;) ]

Affan. Punjabi. Pakistani. Arain. High-Powered Attorney at one of the Big 5 (or is it Big 3?) law firms. Northwestern educated. U of C Law trained. Hotness Factor = off the charts. My hero. Married. 2 kids.

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[According to Taha, I'll somehow end up marrying into your family.]

Ahmad (Ziddy). Arab. Palestine. Have no clue what type of trouble he's up to these days. Maybe if he called me at least once or twice a year. DePaul educated; DMC member. Single.

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[We had to meet our Arab quota, so he had to play...just kiddin!]

Eyad. Arab. Palestine. All around nice guy. Guidance Financial. Fellow Bears fan and Rex Grossman appreciator. DePaul educated; DMC member. Single.

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[Seriously, one of the nicest guys out there.]

Ahmed (Hassan/AH/Prince). Kashmiri (not his fault). Pakistani. Doctor. Blah, blah, blah. How many times do you wanna hear about this kid? Seriously?!

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[It's not a blog about him, alright?!]

Ahmed (A-Moose). Arab. Palestine. Comedian (not by profession). Kelloggs/Keebler. DePaul educated; DMC member. Has the greatest older brother of all time (next to my bros, that is). Wish he knew how to use a phone and be my friend though.

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[He thinks he can hoop. So what if he nearly beat me and Taha single-handedly?]

Tariq. Hydro. Recently engaged. IT industry and at Accenture (imagine that). Recently engaged. My Bolingbrook homie. Fellow Bears fan and Rex Grossman appreciator. Recently engaged. My former work-out buddy. Recently engaged. DePaul educated; DMC member. Acura TL owner. Pet birds (they're mean). And former hick from Tennessee.

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[Note: he tries to deny being engaged if you talk to him, so I had to reiterate it for his benefit. :) ]

Erik. Puerto Rican. Ecuadorian. One of my original homies. DePaul educated. Honorary Muslim (I taught him to say, "La illaha..."). Baller sales guy at Cingular on his way to mgmnt. Hooks me up with free stuff from there. Pontiac GTO owner.

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[My original partner in crime and "significant other" at DePaul.]

Omar. Hydro. In IT, of course. Moved from my hood and is now up north in Minnesota!! WTF? Sadly will be forced to watch Vikings games. I feel the pain, bro. Cousin of AJ. Single.

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[Dude, just when we were getting basketball and soccer down, you leave me?!]

Taha. Punjabi. Pakistani. Rajpoothi (supposedly, anyway). Not really a player in this league. He just crushes a lot. Okay, seriously...He's not a player in the league, but Hassan didn't want to exclude him from the night. Me? I could've cared less. Afterall, it was Taha that stopped me from eating another slice of pizza and having more chips and pepsi because he kept warning me, "Dude, ISNA is in 3 days." WTF did that mean, Taha? Jerk. I thought we were blood, homie.

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[Him and Hassan's team together are called STL T&A. So much for not getting into fantasies...]

Okay, so those are all the players. The picks themselves were, overall, relatively balanced. Some people obviously came up with a couple better picks here and there. I ended up with an amazing RB squad. LT, Julius Jones, and Willie Parker. My receivers are okay. My QB is Bledsoe (in my other league I have this guy named Petyon F-ing Manning). I think Bledsoe is a huge pick, actually. He get to throw it to TO and Glenn, so I'm hoping for big things from him -- just as long as he can keep the INTs down!

Anyway, the night was definitely successful and everyone applauded the idea of having a fantasy draft party instead of making your picks at home by yourself. In person, you get to trash talk and hang out with the fellas. And there's nothing like that. Even when you're made fun of. For example, every time I stepped away from the living room to check something on the computer, everyone made fun of me yelling, Imran, stop updating your blog! or He's giving his blog readers a play-by-play breakdown of the draft picks. Punks, man. I have a buncha punks as my friends, people.

Well, as you know, one of the best ways to summarize a fun night is via pictures. So here you go:

[left to right] AJ, Taha, Ahmed, Imran [not sure what type of expression I have there], Badie, Aladdin, Affan, Eyad, and Tariq [in the orange]. A couple of the other guys couldn't make it.

The Ahmed's of my life. By the way, nice shot of your foot, AJ.

Taha is really happy (in an overtly gay way) to be in the picture as Hassan and I -- for some reason -- flash random gang signs. Well, Hassan's "gang" sign is more like, "Metallica Rocks!! White power!" Or something like that, anyway.

Aladdin in all his wondrous glory. Just look at him. And Allah Alone Gives Success.

Those are real. As this picture illustrates, his bulging biceps are in fact real. Go ahead, touch it for yourself.

One more time, ladies and gentlemen: I give you the Ahmed's and Me. (Who needs Taha, huh?) ;)

And that's all folks. We'll see how the season unfolds. You'll definitely know whether you want to or not! But, yes, you are right. It would be safe to assume that I'll win it all.

Salaam!