Imran on Broadway: Scene 1

Hi

Alright, folks. I'm a little frustrated after some shady business went down after a tafseer class I attend on Sundays. You see, I was totally CB'd* by a friend of mine after class. I'd actually like to tell you about this particular story in a play format because I think that all the world is a stage and you all want to watch me. So, here's the scene:

*Ask your significant other what "CB'd" means, btw. Or anyone of my friends as they have done this to me far too many times.

Scene 1; set-up: Taking place in the modern era. A young, strapping young lad named Imran finds himself alone with an uncle that he kinda knows after Sunday tafseer class has come to an end.

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: So. [slight pause] What are you doing?

Imran: [Smiles on the inside thinking to himself:] I love when I'm asked that question. I mean, I know what they're trying to get at (i.e. what do you do for a living), but the way they ask is kinda comical if you interpret it literally: "Right now, Uncle? Well, just standing here talking to you." Or, "Well, I'm gonna go watch the Bears game now, but if you wanna hang out, that's cool. Weird, but cool. I do like the initiative."

[what Imran actually replies with] What am I doing?

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: Yes, you're doing IT work, right?

Imran: Oh! No, that's actually my brother.
[In a cool, professional-sounding tone:] I'm in pharmaceutical research.

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: [eyes widened] Oh! Are you looking to get married?

Imran: [Imran pauses slightly to give thought to the following:] "Am I looking to get married? Dude!! Don't you remember many, many years ago how it was to be single? Now can you imagine being single in this type of upbringing? You're like asking me if I am planning on breathing air for survival later today!" Or, "WTF? Are you serious?!" Or, "Well, that depends, how does your daughter or niece look like? Do you have pictures? Where's Aunty? At least that way I can get a better idea of how I'm gonna respond."]

[Ok, so obviously Imran's response was going to be something far less to-the-point. And he was going to try and act as "professional" about it as possible without giving any notable hints that the uncle's question really excited Imran and was the high point of Imran's weekend. But suddenly, an unsuspecting friend walks into the room having heard the uncle's last question.]

The "friend": He's already married.

Imran: [feeling uneasy and awkward because the uncle may actually believe that] Umm...haha...no, I'm always open to the...

The "friend": Just make sure you ask your wife in Pakistan, Imran...

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: Hahaha! [Walks away laughing]

[The so-called friend leaves. Imran is standing in the room. Alone. Alone and confused. Alone, confused, and hurt. The story of his life with women.]

End Scene 1.

Do Me Event #5: A Last Minute Success

AA Do Me Crew

A brief recap of the successful Do Me 5 to make up for a lack of pictures. Also, some critical information regarding Do Me 6:

(1) For those that missed out, you're on warning and/or probation. We hit up Outback and most were satisfied (especially our waiter as Aladdin inadvertently tipped him $40, MashaAllah). We then proceeded to Dairy Queen where we had good dessert and then played football in the parking lot. By the way, to make a statement about canceling his Do Me Evite, Fahad refused to allow me to pay for his dinner in my attempt to feel good about myself. (For the record: Fahad's contributions to Do Me are phenom, but the organization and bringing of people together is a burden I will carry.)

(2) I had a conversation with Aladdin on the way to Dairy Queen, but we both admitted it was difficult without me talking to him via my blog. Thus, this blog entry.

(3) The lack of presence of Saint Louis-bound Taha was poignant as we noticed that his evil counterpart, Hassan, was by himself. Attendees included: Eyad, Aladdin, Ahmed Hassan, myself, Badie, Fahad, and Reef. On that note, please officially welcome Reef to the DO ME Crew. (Hey, if we accepted Hassan, we can certainly welcome aboard Reef.) Congratulations, Reef.

(4) "Spider-man" and "Superman" are not necessarily the names of superheroes. "Eiffel Tower" also has new meaning. High Five, Fahad! Aladdin has an abundance of knowledge on these things; please see him for info.

(5) Fashion: Despite my disagreement, I was singled out by Aladdin as having a lack of style with my 1990s cargo pants and life jacket style. The life jacket and the matching coat over it will be the latest in '08, folks; get ready. Sami Haque was elected as trendiest dresser/most style despite Fahad's staunch disagreement, though it was Badie Ali that stole the night with his fashion presence (or dominance, I should say). Hassan promptly displayed his PRADA loafers, but was disqualified because you should at least buy your own clothing/accessories (Reef did note that Hassan's accessories are tops among Do Me guys). Fahad plans on ripping his jeans to become trendier. Maybe I should do the same to my khakis by ripping out the cargo pockets? Or if I keep them as is, I'll become a painter as Alaa mentioned.

(6) Do Me 6: The seven us that attended will InshaAllah be available next Saturday, 03-Nov-2007, for Do Me 6 consisting of football. Be ready to now do each other on the field. We're slated for an afternoon slot. Clear your schedules in advance. Oh yes, a lengthy, blog-worthy email invite for it is inevitable...

Until then

Adventures of Raafae and Hazik in the US: Day 1

AA

Well, two of my favorites guys from the UK are visiting us this week along with my khala (aunt; my mom's older sister). One is a legend in his own right and a fellow blogger, the Young Raafae of the Shire. The other is his counterpart and ally, the Young Hazik (my nephew). Both guys are around 12 or so and together, this tandem is a force to be reckoned with.

An annoying, though lovable force...

Anyway, I thought I would take a moment to chronicle their adventures during their short one week stay here. They came last night and the first thing they tried to do after the ceremonial hugs and salaams was steal my Blackberry from work. Actually, that action is becoming ceremonious in its own right because the last time I saw them, a couple months back during my Brussels-London tour, they did the same thing. The only way I got it back that time was with the promise of Belgium chocolates. (Works every time, folks. And Belgium chocolates probably work for any situation, so you married guys takes notes.) So, anyway, for tonight I had a strategic preemptive strike of my own: I hid my Blackberry even before stepping into the house. I told them I left it at work. Brilliant, I know. But, I couldn't do away with my personal cell phone as we all know I'm way too in demand to not be accessible. As a result, my personal cell defaulted to become their new let's-annoy-Imran-by-taking-something-of-his thingy. So, for a good part of their night, they tried multiple tactics to pull it out of my pocket (distracting me, hitting me with an empty 2 liter 7UP bottle...you know, the usual).

So, Monday night came to a quick end as they were recuperating from jet lag. Tonight, I came back home from school just before they were off to bed so they effectively used their time to harass me as much as possible. I think their goal was to make up for lost time during the day.

Now, allow me to break down some of their observations about me and Amreeka:

Observations of Raazik (as I will now collectively refer to them as):
1) I think one of the first things I was told tonight is how Americans LOVE doughnuts. Being a Dunkin Donuts connoisseur, I couldn't argue with that, but I particularly appreciate the way they arrived at this conclusion: At the grocery store, we bought a small tray of fresh donuts sealed in a plastic container. Once the plastic container is properly closed, opening it isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. They were baffled by our "over-protection" of donuts. Hey, all I can say is that here in America, we will invest our money to keep our donuts as fresh as possible, but never use that money for radical ideas like free health care.

2) My blog. They went through my blog, which can be scary for me due to some (at times, not always!) potentially inappropriate material. But, hey, they're European, they've probably seen more in life than I have, right?!

3) Girls. And let me specific: Sana Yusuf and another Sana. Raafae, as he was badgering me about my blog, said that courtesy of Facebook, they apparently saw all my friends and the two names he happened to remember were one Sana Yusuf and one Sana Khwaja. Oh, how funny that is, they will never know. And neither will most of you! Just kidding, but, in all seriousness it was pretty funny as I stood there being questioned in an almost fatherly-like way, "Who is Sana Yusuf?! And who is Sana Khwaja?!" I felt guilty for some reason...

4) The Homer Simpson American culture. Hazik couldn't stop hitting a brotha in the gut while I was eating some phenomenal homemade biryani. "No wonder Americans are so fat," he commented. He compared me to Homer and I told him that Homer was my hero (how can't he be?). Hazik immediately retorted, "No, you're Homer's hero." Touche! (When did kids become so quick witted, by the way?)

I was finally saved from further insightful social commentary from Raazik thanks to a timely phone call from Aladdin (I had to run up to my room and lock the door). I felt like I was talking to a girl, but it was the only way I could talk in relative peace to Aladdin, so I went through with it. The fact that I talked to Aladdin under the warmth of my bed covers doesn't mean anything. Relax! I'm just kidding. I had to sit by my door to prevent a break-in as Raazik figured out how to unlock it from the outside.

<>

Let's see how the rest of the week pans out...

Cheers, mate

Bert & Ernie: DeNiro and Joe Pesci Style

Hi

Awesome:



later

Bears: Another Analysis from Irfan

AA

This is another great email from Irfan (who needs to start his own sports blog asap) about last week's Bears game:

Now onto my thoughts,

1) Can we cut Archuleta now please? My God, this man is supposed to be the veteran run-stopper, the dude cant catch a cold let alone a running back. To make matters worse, he is even worse in pass coverage than I thought, he is the sole reason for that first touchdown by Williamson. Also, Brandon McGowan, he and Archuleta are supposed to be the guys who are great in run coverage, they look awful, absolutely awful. I don't know if Archuleta's bangin his girlfriend (former pl*yb*y bunny) or if he and McGowan are bangin each other the night before the game but they both look a step slow. Oh yeah, throw in Danielle (that's right he's got a girl's name) Manning too, he looks absolutely terrible out there.

2) Our overrated, over blackened D-line. Tommie Harris didnt even show up, Alex Brown did not get any offsides penalties, therefore we never heard his name, and the Prince of Zamunda was nowhere to be found. I think I saw Anthony Adams make more plays than all three of them.

3) Our defensive strategy. Why in the world wouldn't we put everybody in the box on obvious pass plays and force Jackson into mistakes?

4) The running game. Benson was doing well, not great, but well in the first quarter. So it only makes sense to then bench him and throw 237 consecutive screen passes to Whoopi. All Benson says is give me the ball for four quarters to prove himself, yet we can't even do that. We are suppoed to be a running team, according to Lovie, yet your #1 back gets only 18 carries. Makes no sense, not to mention that if we kept running him, it could have kept Peterson (both the good and the bad one) on the sidelines. On the 3rd and 2, a critical play, run Benson up the gut, its the logical thing to do, so of course we run a pitch play that forces benson farther back and goes completely against his strengths and Lovie's claim of being a "smashmouth" "were a running football team, we like to run the ball" organization.

5) Offensive game plan. Goes hand in hand with point #4 but why oh why can't they see that Olsen is a weapon and we can abuse linebackers all day with him? We put him in once every 5 plays and just run screen passes and crap with him. Then we only run 2 decent plays with him to just piss us all off even more. I hate, absolutely hate Ron Turner, and Lovie needs to step up and take some control of this situation. Finally, we threw a deep ball to Hester, and amazingly, it worked! It only took them 6 games to try it. Next game, if we don't run plays with Olsen running up the seam, and at least 1 deep ball to Hester (who is absolutely amazing by the way) I am going to stab someone and will not clean up the spilling of blood, I DONT GIVE A FRICK!

Overall, in spite of all of our bad plays on offense and defense, we still lost this game on coaching, why the hell would we kick to Peterson, why oh why, I will never understand this. He is their one great player, keep the ball out of his hands, how hard is that! Bad play-calling on both sides of the ball, bad everything. Our defense is beaten up, and they don't look good at all, no excuse for injuries in this game though, they just missed tackles all day long.

Also, I believe that Ron Turner is in the booth watching old Illini highlights from their Sugar Bowl season and thinking, "Oh yeah! I'm the man, I can call anything and it will work, I'm a genius!" and then picks plays based on the strengths of Kurt Kittner, Brandon Lloyd, and Antonio Harris. I believe he also is getting texts from brother Norv, who is telling him, run the pitch to Benson, LT runs it real well and throw it to the tight end's in the flat, they can break through tackles and get tons of yards like Gates. I think Lovie should just let Rex do the play-calling, at least he would run plays to throw the ball down the field

cheers

Madonna & Isaac

Hello

I can't get enough of this song. Link courtesy my brotha Umar.



Cheers

AH's and Z's Eid Celebration

Hi

Rumor has it that this is how they spent their Eid. I mean, you can't argue with this authentic footage here:



cheers

Shaytan: The Ultimate Dbag

AA

Well, as I write this, the time fast approaches for the end of today's fasting, which also marks the end of Ramadhan and the beginning of the Eid celebration.

And though Eid celebrates the joyous occasion of completing the month of Ramadhan where Muslims have engaged in additional prayers and fasting (from food, sex between the timings of the fast) in a month of purification, it also marks a time where the Shaytan (devil) is released from his chains; meaning that his influence and waswasa (evil whisperings) come back into play.

During Ramadhan, as a Muslim, you feel a sense of peace and baraqa (blessings) that is unmatched during most other months. That is because we believe that the devil is "locked up" Akon style and his evil impact upon your soul is not as relevant (the only "evil," so-to-speak, you have to deal with are your own personal demons or your ego/nafs).

But, in a matter of minutes, that protection is soon gone (not completely, folks, but there's a certain feeling during this month - it's hard to describe - that for me is only associated with this time of the year). And with that, the evil Shaytan - Mr. D-bag or Jag-bag himself - comes back out to lurk on our souls; to mess with our nafs and encourage us to do bad (i.e. You don't really need to wake up for Fajr, Imran, you're much too tired - sleep for a few more minutes. The next thing you know, those few minutes become a few hours and you miss out on Fajr all together thanks to the dbag himself for corrupting you. During Ramadhan, it's different. Fajr time sets in and you're like, Oh yeah! Imma holla at the Rabil Alameen [Lord of All the Worlds] BIG time! - meaning that praying Fajr becomes much easier because Dbag isn't there to mess with you).

Dbags, generally speaking, can be defined as people who try to act waaaay too cool for their own good (i.e. posers) and they can also be jerks or bullies. Well, if we accept that technical definition of a "d-bag," then we can most certainly ascribe "ultimate d-bag" to the Shaytan.

So, it's with these last, precious few moments that I ask Allah (swt) for continued protection from all evils, deliverance from hell, and to walk the path of Prophet (sw) now and always. For myself and for my family and friends. Allah huma sali Allah Muhammad. Ameen!

Keep me in your duas. Eid Mubarak!

Fi Aman Allah

Hey There Khalilah

Hi

"It's how you cook the meat." A man after my own heart. Funny spoof:



Cheers

Masri vs US

Hi

Someone fwd me this story. Pretty insane and very sad & unfortunate:

"WASHINGTON -- The Supreme Court today refused to give a hearing to a German man who says he was wrongly abducted, imprisoned and tortured by the CIA in a case of mistaken identity.

Khaled Masri sued the CIA two years ago and sought damages for his five-month ordeal in a U.S.-run prison in Afghanistan.

Related
-	Supreme Court of the United States
-	4th Circuit Opinion (El-Masri v. U.S.)

But Bush administration prosecutors said his lawsuit should not be heard because it could expose "state secrets," and two lower courts ordered it dismissed.

He appealed to the Supreme Court and argued that the government was using the state secrets doctrine to cover up its wrongdoing.

Without explaining their reasons, the justices said today that they would not hear his appeal in Masri vs. United States.

More than 50 years ago, the Supreme Court ruled that some evidence could be shielded by the government to protect the nation's security, but the justices have not clarified the reach of that doctrine.

Masri's case has gotten wide attention in Europe, and it has been the subject of a continuing investigation by the German government. Two years ago, German Chancellor Angela Merkel said after a meeting with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice that U.S. officials admitted that Masri "had been erroneously taken."

The mistake apparently arose because his name was similar to that of a wanted terrorist, Khalid Masri, who was said to be a member of Al Qaeda's Hamburg cell.

Masri, a car salesman, was on vacation when he was taken off a bus that had crossed the border into Macedonia. His passport was confiscated, and he was questioned for more than three weeks.

In late January 2004, Masri said he was blindfolded, taken to the airport and turned over to U.S. authorities, who flew him to a prison in Afghanistan. He says he was beaten and tortured by men who wore masks and were dressed in black.

He also says U.S. authorities would not permit him to contact the German Consulate. After several months, the CIA apparently realized it had made a mistake, and Masri was returned to Europe. But rather than return him to his home in Germany, he was dropped off at night on a hillside in Albania.

Upon his return to Germany, he obtained a lawyer and filed the lawsuit against the United States."

Unreal

4th Annual Iftar Party: From Dusk till Dawn

Hi
This was an entry I never got around to completing/publishing:
-IMS

AA WR WB


Even a day after the Fourth Annual 2pac "Passport to Plainfield" Iftar Party, I have to say that I'm still pretty full from eating.


Alhamdullilah, I'm really blessed to have a mother that puts up with my can-you-please-cook-up-a-feast-to-make-me-look-really-cool-in-front-of-my-friends requests. May Allah give her endless happiness, success, phenomenal health, forgiveness, and mercy. Allah huma sali Allah Muhammad. Ameen.


Here's a sampling of the iftari menu:
- egg sandwiches
- friend shrimp (covered in flour and egg)
- tuna patties
- biscuits/crescent thingy filled with potatoes
- rooh afza
- chowall

The dinner menu consisted of:
- spaghetti with a desi touch/spice of course
- shepherd pie (chicken/veg)
- cabbage casserole (minced meat - i.e. keema)
- chicken korma
- nargasi kofta curry (i.e. egg in kofta shell)

The dessert menu consisted of:
- homemade pineapple cake
- Bakers Square banana cream pie (I think; but Fasih was nice enough to bring it)
- homemade kheer
- homemade galab jommin
- Imran-made chai and sundaes

As for the guests, well, this year was probably the most. Let me break it down for you in terms we can all relate to the best - racial ones:

Pakis: O. Awan, Fasih, Harris, Fahad, Taha, Hassan, Aref, Nomair, Meraj, Asim, my brothers Arabs: Eyad, Badie, A-Moose, Mumu, Aladdin, The Riyality Show.
Hydros: KR, AJ, Sikander, Irfan, Imran M., Awais, Sami, Tariq, Farooq


Wow, now that I broke it down, I have to say that I'm surprised (and delighted) to see that the Pakis came out in full force. In a Hydro-dominated Chicago, this is both very rare and very nice to see. Finally. A stepping stone for the advancement of the Chicago Muslim population...more Pakistanis.

So, excluding me & my brothers, that brings the grand total to 25. That's a lot of guys in my house just hanging out and feeding. I don't know how my mom or nani tolerated it.

Highlights for this year's iftar were as follows:
1. Prior to the group picture, I "teased" the guys by acting like I was going to take my shirt off (an involuntary bodily function of mine in group settings; for further reference, ask the "Do Me" crew about me bowling shirtless). When the guys started yelling and cheering for me to do this, though (this sounds like my IP took place in a strip club, but really it didn't...honestly), I couldn't refuse. I was the host and therefore source of entertainment. So I happily fulfilled my responsibilities. And, for a little flare, I did a little dance without my shirt as cell phone cameras through out the room were flashing to take pics (this will likely haunt me later in life). Meanwhile, a few feet away, my mom looked on and silently turned around and went about her business. We never spoke of that since. Though I think I did see her smile a type of smile that says, "Yep, this is my son, but I still love him..."

2. Fahad's loud comment to Taha of "You're not even wearing an undershirt!" Out of respect to Fahad, I'll leave out the reason for what prompted him to say it. But it was great because Taha had no comeback to that line.

3. The Riyality Show. What can you say about this guy and his lyrical flow? He had the room in pin-drop silence as we listened to his freestyle poetry Def Jam session. With Aladdin's running commentary, it was entertaining as always.

4. Aref's (a newcomer this year) and Hassan's epic Madden '07 game on the 360 (provided generously by Farooq). Aref played as the Patriots and Hassan as the Rams. With time running out, Hassan made a gutsy 2-point conversion to swing the game's momentum in his favor and for the win. But, with last second Tom Brady-like heroics, Aref was able to make two to three offensive plays with under 45 seconds to go on and WIN the game. Truly epic. It's hard to capture that type of Madden moment. If you can't appreciate a good Madden game, then you just suck as a person.

5. Late night Madden tourney. Despite having two spots on the tournament bracket, I lost (to Irfan and Awais) and the championship boiled down to Tariq and Awais (what else is new?!). Awais took it. Hooray for him.

6. "From Dusk till Dawn." This IP became a first in terms of how long people stayed. Usually, a handful of the guys will stay until ~2am or 3am, but this year we had Awais leave around 4am and then KR (also a newcomer) and AJ stay until sahoor time! When my mom came down to the kitchen to make her oatmeal, she was pretty surprised that there was still a couple guys lingering. They went back to their respective homes to pray fajr, but after fajr was complete, I totally crashed until 1pm the next day. My aunt who was there visiting with my mamou (uncle) joked around saying that I did exactly what the Arabs do: stay awake between iftar and suhoor time and then sleep away the day. It was fun, but definitely not something that I plan on making a habit of for the rest of Ramadhan.

7. Aladdin's announcement of him throwing an IP for the Bears-Packers Sunday night game. Tariq and I had just talked about the day before whether or not Aladdin was going to have another IP after last year's phenomenal IP MNF (the infamous Bears comeback victory game against Arizona). We were going to conspire against Aladdin and force him to agree to holding it (Aladdin is a phenom host, mA), but forutnately - from what I recall - Aladdin threw it out there himself.

8. The party itself. Alhamdullilah, it's great having such good friends come by and honor us with their company. It's a blessing for us and inshaAllah at the very least we hope that everyone enjoyed it and remember us and especially my mom (and Nani) their duas.

Until next year's 5 year mark inshaAllah! (And, yes, it will still be a brothers-only IP!)