Imran on Broadway: Scene 1

Hi

Alright, folks. I'm a little frustrated after some shady business went down after a tafseer class I attend on Sundays. You see, I was totally CB'd* by a friend of mine after class. I'd actually like to tell you about this particular story in a play format because I think that all the world is a stage and you all want to watch me. So, here's the scene:

*Ask your significant other what "CB'd" means, btw. Or anyone of my friends as they have done this to me far too many times.

Scene 1; set-up: Taking place in the modern era. A young, strapping young lad named Imran finds himself alone with an uncle that he kinda knows after Sunday tafseer class has come to an end.

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: So. [slight pause] What are you doing?

Imran: [Smiles on the inside thinking to himself:] I love when I'm asked that question. I mean, I know what they're trying to get at (i.e. what do you do for a living), but the way they ask is kinda comical if you interpret it literally: "Right now, Uncle? Well, just standing here talking to you." Or, "Well, I'm gonna go watch the Bears game now, but if you wanna hang out, that's cool. Weird, but cool. I do like the initiative."

[what Imran actually replies with] What am I doing?

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: Yes, you're doing IT work, right?

Imran: Oh! No, that's actually my brother.
[In a cool, professional-sounding tone:] I'm in pharmaceutical research.

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: [eyes widened] Oh! Are you looking to get married?

Imran: [Imran pauses slightly to give thought to the following:] "Am I looking to get married? Dude!! Don't you remember many, many years ago how it was to be single? Now can you imagine being single in this type of upbringing? You're like asking me if I am planning on breathing air for survival later today!" Or, "WTF? Are you serious?!" Or, "Well, that depends, how does your daughter or niece look like? Do you have pictures? Where's Aunty? At least that way I can get a better idea of how I'm gonna respond."]

[Ok, so obviously Imran's response was going to be something far less to-the-point. And he was going to try and act as "professional" about it as possible without giving any notable hints that the uncle's question really excited Imran and was the high point of Imran's weekend. But suddenly, an unsuspecting friend walks into the room having heard the uncle's last question.]

The "friend": He's already married.

Imran: [feeling uneasy and awkward because the uncle may actually believe that] Umm...haha...no, I'm always open to the...

The "friend": Just make sure you ask your wife in Pakistan, Imran...

Uncle that Imran kinda knows: Hahaha! [Walks away laughing]

[The so-called friend leaves. Imran is standing in the room. Alone. Alone and confused. Alone, confused, and hurt. The story of his life with women.]

End Scene 1.