Umar: A Man Completed

Salaam All

Well, it's official. On Sunday, 25Jun2006, Umar headed out to greener pastures. He's now stuck in Wisconsin. Oops! Did I say "stuck"? I meant..."He's now being punished by living in Wisconsin." Oh, no wait, that's not right either. How about..."He's now being tortured by living in Wisconsin." You get the point. He's in some magical place called Wisconsin where there are no minorities, except him now. Where you get to wake up to the fresh, clean smell of cow dung. Where the tallest building in the state is the size of a 10 story apartment building in the Chicago suburbs. Where wearing hideous color combinations (green and yellow) is fashionable. Where cell phone technology is still considered cutting-edge. Ahh, yes! How magical and wondrous indeed.

Well, despite all that, Umar's recent move to Milwaukee is momentous for multiple reasons:

1. Umar's Residency. The most important and serious reason why he's out in Milwaukee. Alhamdullilah, the young, SINGLE, HOT physician (mashaAllah) now embarks on a 3-year internal medicine resideny program at Medical College of Wisconsin. On the way to Milwaukee, you're bound to see MCW's campus off of the highway and it looks, mashaAllah, really nice. I can't tell you how much I look up to him and am proud of what he's accomplished, Alhamdullilah. It's great knowing that I'll get a buncha free stuff from him like certificates to fine dining and free drugs (courtesty of pharma reps). Seriously, though, it's a tremendous Mercy from Allah that we're all grateful and happy for. Umar really loves what he does and inshaAllah patients will see that he's the best doc you could ever ask for. May Allah make things easy for him. Ameen.

2. Umar's Completion. In our tradition, it is said that once you're married half your deen is complete. In Umar's tradition, however, it is said that once you're living anywhere in Wisconsin your life ambitions are complete. Whereas most of the human populous would argue that living anywhere in Wisconsin would cut off your life ambitions, Umar obviously sees differently. You may ask yourself why does Umar, an individual of sound mind and excellent education (mashaAllah), feel that patriotic towards Wisconsin? To answer that, I'm forced and rather embarassed to say that it's because of his misguided loyalty to the GB Fudge Packers. Next thing you know this routine band wagon jumper will start rooting for the Brewers (note: "Brewers" = brewery = beer = HARAM! So supporting the Brewers, logically, is HARAM!) and the Bucs. Alas! The tragedy and plight of the middle child syndrome (i.e. dillusions of grandeur).

3. Umar's Health. Dr. Shakur will now be able to drink fresh milk from the local cows that I'm sure casually graze the streets of Milwaukee. We're silently hoping that he now grows past 4ft 11in*.

4. Umar's Ego Tamed. Come on! We all know how doctors are -- especially young & single ones! They love themselves and their lofty opinions more than I love my Google videos or blog! How absurd and cocky is that! So that being the current mindset Wisconsin will actually be good in taming his doctor ego. How so?! Well, consider this: In Chicago, if people ask you, "What do you do for a living?" and you reply, "I'm a doctor," they practically bow down to you! And especially if the person asking that question is a desi uncle or aunt! Seriously, they give that person a high level of regard; which I would argue is well-deserved (as long as the doc is not a jerk!).

But in Wisconsin, if people ask you, "Whatcha do for a livin', son?"
and you reply, "I'm a doctor," they laugh at you!

No joke! They laugh at you so much that you, a doctor, feel like you've just wasted a decade's worth of an intense education. Why do these people in Wisconsin laugh? It's because the only real position they have high regard for is someone who sells beer and peanuts (and that's not necessarily limited to ball parks in Wisconsin; hell, they're probably street vendors like that out there randomly roaming the streets of Madison, Milwaukee, and other hicksville towns!). So when Umar will, unfortunately, get laughed at so much out there in the boonies, he'll certainly come back to Chi Town downplaying his title ("Oh me? What do I do for a living? Well, I work at a hospital. Doing what? Err...I'm a clown. Yes, a clown. No, I'm not lying. I try to make people in hospitals feel better."**)

So, there you have it. An introductory list as to why Umar's move to Wisconsin is so key to his personal development and apparent "completion."

And just as long as he doesn't come back home with a flippin cheesehead, I'll still welcome him back...

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* In case you are a girl (and a hot one at that), please note that Umar is not really 4 feet 11 inches.
** They just might give your due respect in Wisconsin if you say you're a clown, Umar.

Y'all come back now!