Bears: An analysis from Irfan

Hi

Recently on the Sports List (an email list of like 20 guys talking about sports - usually Chicago area sports - along with other random things like cake, sgp's, and dbc), Irfan went on a tirade on Da Bears and provided teh following insightful analysis. I was so moved, I had to enshrine it by putting it on my blog:

"I apologize in advance for the following email but i had to get it off my chest. I am having major trouble controlling my intensity!

OFFENSE
1) Why is it so hard for this team to ever have a decent offense? In my lifetime, the only decent offense I got to see was one year under Erik Kramer. I mean are qb's that hard to find? Why cant we just buy one? I mean do we need to steal the eid expense boxes at every eid jammat this year to help the bears, im all for it if thats what it takes.
2) Our qb has the brain of a 5 year old, how hard is it to learn "throw the ball away", my god, this man seriously has a head full of nothing but beer and cliche lines such as, "i know i have to play better". That's great you stupid moron, now how about putting that to use.
3) Our running game sucks, CB has not done the job and neither has our O-line. Kruetz needs to punch someone maybe, i dont know, but this O-line is nothing like the line from last year.
4) Our WRs are absolute pos, i hate em all. Berrian is a #1 by default, he sucks, he dropped a sure touchdown. and dont use the excuse of "well patrick crayton dropped one for the cowboys too so were even". NO WE ARE NOT EVEN! Crayton is a #3 receiver, #1 receivers such as Berrian dont make bonehead drops like that, I expect better. Also, can we just cut Moose now, my god, the man cant get open if his life depended on it. He's not even fasting, he has no excuses.
5) Ron turner - seroiusly we need to run like an 8 tight end offense because apparently they are the only ones he can ever diagram a halfway creative route to get open. Why does this guy get touted as a genius? As far as i can tell, him and his brother (who is ruining LT's life!) both are morons, I hope they get caught in a wild love triangle in which they get caught doing one another while ron rivera tapes the whole thing while performing "billups style" in the corner! Then we can maybe fire him!
6) Overall - lovie needs to cut the cord, but what gaurantee do we have that griese will be any better? our wr's cant even get open, we cant run the ball. While rex makes bad decisions and should be benched, griese will also be forced to make throws into small windows since his wr's cant get any separation. and since his arm isnt as strong as rex's i wonder if he will fare any better. this offense is killing our defense which is probably morally dejected at this point, not knowing why lovie wont just punt on first down and let the D try to score that way.

DEFENSE
1) Mark Anderson - seriouisly can someone let this guy know that doing the same move every time is not going to work? He did his patented speed rush on the first play of the game and then we never heard from him again. Seriously what did he do all offseason?
2) Ogunleye - this is the most useless pos we have on this team, my god what a giant behemoth of crap, i hate him. Did we hear his name even once, other than when he got injured? This guy is supposed to be the guy to put pressure on the qb, seriously! this guy is garbage, we should cut him now and send him back to zamunda. Other than allowing us to make references to Coming to America, he provides no value whatsoever.
3) Archuleta - i hate him, your typical goru safety, "he provides toughness" and he's "a big hitter". He couldnt tackle me, let alone an nfl player. He cant cover anything including his gf's body. I didnt like the deal when we got him, and i hate it more every week. and he's supposed to be good in run situations, he got run over like 10 times last night.
4) Overall - Our D line blows, we cant get any pressure without blitzing, t harris is double teamed and nobody takes advantage of single coverage (zamunda, brown, anderson, walker). Our secondary and LBs are left hangin cuz they have to cover receivers for 7 -10 seconds each play. On top of it, our offense couldnt sustain a drive if their lives depended on it so our D studs are dropping like flies to injuries that could have been avoided if they got some damn rest!

Quite simply, our offense still sucks, and we better spend whatever it takes to get a decent offense next season. As far as the rest of this season is concerned, I still think we can win, but we need to run the ball consistently to have any chance.

and i ate so many chicken wings to console myself last night, and now its wreaking havoc on my stomach!"

cheers