The Night of Ahmed Hassan (part 2)

...the conquest for Kashmir to re-take its land. Yes, Ahmed H was now representing an entire nation of people. He had something to fight for. Something to take back to the villages of Kashmir so he could yell in Braveheart fashion, "BIRYANI ZINDABAD!"

Well, okay, so maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but definitely not too far off. But where Taha and I originally placed our doubts in Hassan, soon turned into a quiet sense of awe. He was now 3/4 of the way done with my cheeseburger. I ignored and in fact denied my own hunger pains and desire for that burger so that I could bear witness to this man being a man. He was like Conan the Conqueror. He came, he saw, he conquered. If only the cow that was slaughtered knew what AH was doing, it would've willingly gave up its entire progeny in his honor.

Before we knew it, Prince Ahmed Hassan ate the entire burger. So, to recap, he ate a plate of biryani that could've fed an entire army of starved Punjabis, at least three cheese sticks before the biryani, some fries from my first burger, most of the fries from my 2nd burger, and finally the 2nd burger itself. And don't forget the mango shake to top it all (should I be saying, "MashaAllah" now?). You should know that while not built like the chiseled and I'm-too-sexy-for-my-shirt T-Man (Taha), Ahmed Hassan is not really fat either, which just adds to my confusion and/or awe to this feat.

Unshaken by this, the three of us then headed out to our mini-golf tournament of champions. But on the way out of Italian Express, AH bent over and hurled like there was no tomorrow. Or at least that's what I thought. Right before exiting the door, he bent over and leaned on me making a ghastly, "Uuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhh" noise to which I thought the poor kid was gonna die and so I - momentarily - freaked out like a little girl. After the "uggh" aftershocks wore off, I soon realized that he was totally joking around because nothing came out of the kid, but a big old smirk across his face saying, "Ha ha!" (think The Simpsons).

We finally arrived to our ghetto mini-golf/batting cage park 10 minutes after our meal and immediately headed for the 18-hole range. From the very beginning of the course, Ahmed assumed the lead and T.Ghani was a close second followed by me at a close third. Or, at times, a place far, far away type-of-third place. You see, my initial swing at the beginning of a hole was usually pretty good. In fact, I was the only one that scored a hole-in-one the entire night. But anytime I was within a three feet of the hole, I'd waste a good four to five strokes trying to get it in (umm...no innuendo implied, fellas; let's keep this kosher). Taha was off and on with the small game, but it was the leader of the night, Ahmed Hassan, that was Mr. Consistent and Mr. Rico Suave. His most impressive round was the 17th hole. You had to try to hit the ball across this narrow plank of wood otherwise it'd fall into water. Well, Taha and I never got it on the first try but Ahmed Hassan sealed the deal on that hole by getting it done the first time around without breaking a sweat. It was just inevitable, I tell ya; Ahmed was unstoppable that Friday night.

After officially spanking Taha and I (that's right, Taha, he spanked you, too, alright!), I then saw AH break into his victory dance: The Shimmy. It was...It was...well, very white. Seriously. The guy's victory dance looked like he was some sort of white 90 year old that 1) looked like he just took some viagra 2) looked like he was convulsing and experiencing a serious adverse event to some trial medication for Alzheimer's or 3) looked like he was trying to dance after a hip-replacement surgery. It was very funny yet also very scary to witness. A transformation of sorts that you must experience yourself before you die. And while I say all that, I must admit that it's also highly contagious. Randomly, I find myself breaking into The Shimmy for no real reason other than to just do it because it makes you feel cool; cool like a cat and specifically, Garfield. Yeah, I don't get either. But just trust me.

The Shimmy didn't stop with AH after golfing. For soon after golfing, we noticed that inside the park's store, there was an air hockey table. Taha and I played first. He beat me. Case closed. Blah, blah, blah. He then played The Man of the Night and fell to his magic on the air hockey field. Hassan called me out, too, and while I put up a decent defensive strategy that was reinforced by Taha's yelling, I once again tasted defeat for the third time in one night (if you're counting: 1) losing my cheeseburger, 2) losing in mini-golf, 3) losing in air hockey). Enter more of The Shimmy.

I purposely am leaving out the part where the three of us tried to hit some baseballs in the batting cage because it was so brutal. We couldn't handle the medium pitch and came no where close to swining on time for the fast pitch (~75 mph). It was depressing for all of us, but we now have a new found respect for professional baseball players that can hit 90mph fast balls...

So, at this point, Taha was thoroughly disappointed at himself and looked like he just wanted to go home and call it quits. He couldn't possibly phathom how Prince AH's luck was so spot-on for the night. Personally, I don't call it "luck" myself. No, after seeing His Royal Greatness in action, I knew it was all an inevitable reality known only as Ahmed Hassan. Nothing more and nothing less.

Before I close and move onto other postings, I'll note the remaining activities we accomplished that night:
1) Dunkin Donuts. Hell yes. Thank God that in Chicago there are 24 hour DD's. Taha went with something like three BC's (boston cream, people; get with the lingo!), AH and I went with refreshing coffee coolatas and mint choc chip ice cream (obviously, this DD had a Baskin Robins in it). As always, Prince also successfully convinced the people at DD to hook us up with at least one free donut. Being a doctor and, what I think he should be doing on a full-time basis, a hot, hot model has its advantages. And free donuts is it, baby!
2) AH opened a new account at some random video store so we could pick up the classic and inspiring First Contact, which we forced Taha to watch even though he watched it before (every time he spoke during the movie saying, "Hey, I remember this part" AH and I purposely ignored him; we weren't about to let him ruin our evening). Engage!
3) Prior to watching the movie, we went to T-Man's luxury apartment located next to Millennium Park for swimming where we played water football. Basically, one QB, one receiver, and one defender. If memory serves me correctly (and this is my blog, so it does), I'm pretty sure it was the Taha-Imran combo that went the furthest, nearly scoring a TD. But our football game was ended when the front door man came by to let us know that throwing a ball in the pool area was dangerous. WTF? Like, how old are we?! (Note: I really think, though, that the door man just wanted to get a closer look at a shirtless Taha. I know what you're thinking ladies, where was my camera?! I'll never make that mistake again and leave it behind, that's for sure!)
4) So, we immediately hit up the sizzlin hot tub, which is one of the most relaxing things you can do in life. After a few minutes, these hot girls came by and...oh dammit! Wrong blog again. Sorry! So, after a few minutes, you could tell by our mutual silence that we were probably thinking, Why aren't we doing this with a girl?, but such is the single life of three acha buchas. :) LOL. (Sorry, it's hard keeping a straight face after writing "acha buchas.")
5) We finally went to AH's MTV crib-worthy apartment where we watched our movie and finally went to bed at 5am.

Sigh. I'm done now. What an unbelievable night. If you don't really follow on that, I guess you had to be there.

T-Man, Prince AH: Many more nights like that to come inshaAllah. Of course, let's make sure I notify my mom at least several months in advance, so let's write up that permission slip now. APPNA is not too far off...!

Cheers