HP's Visit (This is What a Recap Should Be)

Salaam

Some friends had suggested that I write a recap on HP's recent visit to Do-Me-Bury.  As a resolution to blog more, I'm using this as an opportunity to post something here for the world to enjoy en masse.  The same group of friends also requested HP to write his recap of the weekend.  I've included it at the end.


And now the recap...

HP came in late Thursday night after hitting up Fatima's Halal Chinese.  He arrived at the chateau around 11pm and his kids were wired.  Uh oh, I thought to myself. They'll wake up Suhaylah.  Frick.  As the kids (I include HP and his wife in this category) began to unwind, so did the peace and quiet in my home.  I checked our video monitor hoping that somehow S-Pie was sleeping through the noise, but, as anticipated, I saw her eyes wide open.  Her eyes glared into the camera as if she were saying, "I know you guys are up. I also know there are people in my house.  I want in."  I quickly had the wife go into our bedroom to relax her and get her to sleep, but it wasn't working even after I locked up -- lovingly -- all my in-laws into the other bedroom.  Frick x2.

"Just wake her up," HP said nonchalantly.

Wake her up?  Oh, I guess a toddler doesn't need sleep and can party into the night like a college student.  Cool.  Fortunately, I kept those thoughts in my head, though I continued to surmise that HP made that suggestion fully realizing that it wasn't going to be him that would have to deal with S-Pie struggling to go back to sleep.  Oh, MBN being here for five minutes and dictating what my daughter can or cannot do. This is going to be a great weekend where all our parenting rules will be thrown out the door.  Hooray.

Being a good sister, the wife complied with HP's request.  At first, S-Pie was shocked to see her mamu in person versus the usual FaceTime medium.  Then she got super excited seeing her cousins -- especially Lil Z, who she finds to be totally entertaining.  Before I know it, the apartment is a mad house of kids yelling, playing, and crying.  S-Pie didn't seem to mind Lil Z's antics, but if Yusra tried to do anything like play with her toys, there was drama.  At one point, Urooj waved her finger towards Yusra saying, "No," but it proved ineffective as Yusra started to quickly copy her mother and then proceed to go around to everyone doing the same thing.  Ha, gotta love kids and the things they do.  Except, perhaps, all the yelling.  To be honest, I'm not too pleasant to deal with when I'm faced with unsolicited commotion, but I guess this is what I have to prepare for now, so I went with it.

Oh, I almost forgot something:  I should note that when HP first entered the crib, it took  what seemed several hours for him to enter beyond the foyer area.  You see, HP was pissed off since the East Coast welcomed him, under my direct orders, with a speeding ticket.  He stood in our small foyer with his coat and shoes staring and analyzing the ticket.  I started to think of two possible scenarios that would shortly ensue:

1. HP demanded that I pay for the ticket
2. HP was going to pull a Liam and track down the officer who gave him the ticket and "Memon" his way out of it

To my surprise, HP did none of that, but he did unleash all the kids in the house as a means of releasing that stress just to mess with me, which probably gives all brother-in-laws some level of happiness...

So the next day was THE DAY.  Yep, Alhamdullilah, the day my son was born, ma sha Allah x100000000.  The day that my family upgraded to Family v2.0.


And since I was in this hospital this day, I saw very little of HP.  The only interaction I had with him was early in the morning around Fajr prayer.  He was sleeping on the floor in the living room and so I took it upon myself to lay beside him, making myself comfortable.  Very comfortable.  Here, too, I began to think of two possible scenarios that would shortly ensue:

1. HP would jump out of his blanket yelling AstaghferAllah!
2. HP would knee me in the balls for what was now my unsolicited commotion for him

Again, HP surprised me and instead he lovingly wrapped his arm around me.  It seemed so natural on his part, too.  I was elated.  Years of wooing men with the inexplicable and inevitable removal of my shirt and yelling of "DM!" had finally nestled into HP's psyche.  I started to wonder, as I laid there with his hairy arm around me, if my impact was felt across the nation with my other friends.  Would RGs soon welcome me the same way HP did?  Would...

B A M ! 

My deep, intimate thoughts were suddenly slammed as soon as HP spoke and I got a whiff of his morning breath.  What a buzz kill.  Anyway, that's all I had of HP on Friday.


The next day was pretty much the same thing.  He came by to see his nephew, but he had to cut his trip short because, unfortunately, his daughter threw up on the way to the hospital and wasn't feeling well (Alhamdullilah, she's better now, but the poor girl also threw up on the way back to the apartment).  But even while being at the hospital for a short time, HP brought it upon himself to dictate the parenting of my child by forcing us to allow S-Pie to eat chocolate chip cookies while strategically playing the "Hey, I'm the mamu and can spoil my niece" card.  Oh ok. Guess that means whatever you say, goes.  All Praise is due to Allah.

HP's last day in Do-Me-Bury was Sunday and I think he tried to make amends by coming to the hospital with a box of DD donuts and coffee.  It was another short visit as HP had a flight to get to that day to return to his town of Elgin (the largest city in Iowa).

Taking a cue from myself by using the point system I created in my last post, I'm going to do the same here to provide you an overall score of  HP's visit:

• Bringing Fatima's Chinese takeout: +10
• Keeping S-Pie awake: -2
• S-Pie not sleeping well:  -10
• Making S-Pie eat cookies:  -2
• "Babysitting" S-Pie by making her watch TV: -10
• S-Pie wanting to watch TV really badly post-HP visit: -10
• Bringing me DD coffee and donuts at the hospital: +10
• Making fun of himself about me coping with the in-laws for so long: +10
• Babysitting and being there for his niece, nephew, sister, and BIL: +10
• Total: +6 points.  Looks like you've scored positively, so a big time JZK to you, HP, and your fam!

Oh, as promised, here was HP's recap of his visit:

Thurs night: Flew in, ate Chinese at Fatima's Kitchen, drove to DoMeBury and got a fat ticket by the cops

Fri: Babysat, Ismaeel born!

Sat: Visited Ismaeel

Sun: Grabbed Chinese, flew home

Whoa, HP!  Leave out some details for when they write a book about you.

Actually, if HP were to write an autobiography, it'd be:

• Chapter 1: Birth.  I was born, ate, pooped, and slept a lot.
• Chapter 2: Childhood.  See Chapter 1, but I also played with toys a lot.
• Chapter 3: Teen years.  See Chapter 2.
• Chapter 4: College days.  I got a degree.  Otherwise, see Chapter 2.
• Chapter 5: Adulthood. I got a job, got married, had some kids.  See Chapter 2 for more details, though. 

Anyway, as AJ and Zoobear mentioned when they saw his recap, it was quite possibly the worst recap that was ever offered.  To the point?  Yes.  But also unimaginative and utterly boring.  I'll give him points on using the exclamation point for mentioning my son, but otherwise a total #fail on his part.

As per my recap above, HP, please take notes for next time.

Cheers