An Ode to Fahad

Hi

Fahad, my brother, you are a man of inspiration.

Let me say, people, that Fahad Siddiqui has risen amongst the ranks of us single men. Fahad, you see, is essentially my twin in terms of how we think. For example, the "do me" phraseology stems from our collective badmash-ness. We also have the propensity to say crude things at often random times. This is something innately carnal in our desire for...well...let's just say our innate carnal desires.

Whether right or wrong, I am not here to discuss that. What I am here to discuss is my man Fahad and the brilliance and ballzyness (sp?) of an email he sent to a local Chicago reporter who, to put simply, is fiiine, playa!

And that's exactly what Fahad emailed her about: to let her know that he and some of his boys think that she's hot (and to confirm if she's pregnant). But the style of Fahad's email is what has lifted him to a plateau that even I - the man, the myth, the legend, the sufi, the lover, the fighter, the punjabi - didn't know existed. Read on, readers:

"Hey Paula,

I just wanted to ask if your pregnant or not? Im assuming yes, but just wanted to make sure!! You still look great and you are the only reason I watch NBC5, Me and my buddies (who are all single, and live at home) made a list of the hottest reporters in Chicago, here it is

1. Paula Faris (that would be you)
2. Ana Devalantes (spelling?, shes pretty hot as well)
3. Kathy Brock (old but probably hotter in her younger years)
4. Cherly Burton (classic hot)
5. Megan Fox (ok so shes not a reporter but did you see transformers? My god!!)

As you can tell I live at home and have no girlfreind! Anyway it would be great if you could reply back to me!! Thanks a lot and good luck!! Let me know if you ever get single, take care

Your loving fan,

Fahad Siddiqui"

Not only does he tell her that she's hot, but he goes on and gives her his Top Five which included a special cameo by Megan Fox. And then he continues his work of brilliance by admitting that he's a loser (I say that with respect and understanding, Fahad) in that he is living at home and has no woman of his own! This is the work of a man motivated by his fantasies. Such a man, ladies and gentlemen, should be applauded and heralded to the world as a man of...

Actually, that's just it. He should be heralded to the world as simply as a man. A man. Period. A man's man. That's how manly he is.

And, in true pimptastic form, the reporter did in fact reply:

"Hi Fahad-
I'm flattered that I'm on your list...even moreso seeing that I'm pregnant. (yes, your intuition was right) Gotta tell you, pregnant chicks don't get a second glance, so it's an honor.
I'll probably be going on maternity leave in the next 4-6 weeks, not returning until late November. So, I hope you all don't forget about me! :) Kidding...

By the way, totally agree with your assessment of Kathy Brock.

Take Care, Fahad!
Paula Faris
NBC5 Sports
Chicago"

My unbiased translation of her email is as follows: "Hi Fahad. You've got balls and I'm totally hot for you. Take Care, Your Sexy Momma, Paula Fahad...err, I mean Paula Faris"

Bravo, Fahad! Bravo!!


do me