Remembering Death: On the Passing of My Friend, Matt

A friend and colleague of mine, Matt, passed away this morning.

I will remember Matt for his incredible sense of humor and compassion towards others. He was a guy you could talk to about anything -- from the philosophical to the mundane. He was also competitive, ambitious, and someone who loved to horse around, but always in a way that you couldn’t help but to laugh even if you were the target of his jokes. He respected your beliefs and also stood by the principles of his beliefs, too.

I have known him for almost seven years now. Specifically, we knew each other through our work. In fact, we worked at two different companies together over almost a five year period (it was Matt who convinced me to leave one job for another one).

His sad departure, unfortunately, was imminent. He suffered from kidney cancer, which, after a couple years of battling it, took a bad turn. I tried to get in touch with him, but it was understandably difficult. He was trying to maximize his time with family and close friends. A few weeks ago he had updated his Facebook status to say that he was closing his fb account so he could focus more time with his family and less in virtual space. Actually, he mistyped and wrote that he needed to spend more time in the virtual world, so he immediately followed it up with another status to clarify, “Wait, non-virtual world. See, one more giggle.” Always joking (he later decided to keep his fb up because so many people were writing him well wishes). Of course, his status had me worried that his health was not improving. Shortly after, I received an email from an old co-worker that his time was coming. I emailed her to ask if they had any idea how long, but it was difficult to predict. I texted Matt the same day to see if I could speak to him. I didn’t hear from him until a few days later. His response:

Shak, so, so sorry for not getting back to you. Well, it’s time for me to go. At Peace with everything. Thanks for your friendship and all God’s Love and Blessings to you and your family. Love, xxx.
[Note: didn’t want to include his last name.]

I responded: I’m at a loss of words, xxx. I wish I could still meet with you. I will always admire your strength. I will miss your humor, courage, and most especially friendship. Xxxx [his wife] should know that me & my fam are at your family’s service for anything, anytime. – Shak.

I wasn’t sure what else I could say. I imagine that my response or even lack of response really didn’t concern Matt at that moment. His thoughtful response, which gave me more closure than it probably did for him, spoke to the caliber of his character, however. With what little, precious time he had, he made sure he got back to me. Not only get back to me, but also apologize that he hadn’t done so sooner. But that was just like him to care about others.

That text convo was about 1.5 weeks ago. Today, in another email from the same former co-worker, I was informed the following:

Matt xxxx passed away this morning at 10:40am, surrounded by his family. When I have more information about his funeral arrangements, I'll pass those along.

Strangely, earlier this morning, prior to receiving the email, I was thinking of Matt, wondering if he had passed. Since our text conversation, I would google his name to see if I could find anything. Nothing would turn up. So, in a sense, it was good to know that he has passed away, but I am undeniably sad to receive the news...

I thought about how difficult his last days must have been. How his wife and children were dealing with it. I felt from his text message that, due to his faith, they were able to deal with it in a positive way relative to their situation. I could imagine Matt, an extremely loving father, lovingly explain his inevitable departure to his kids with perhaps a promise that they'll see each other again. That he was off to a better place as so many people, from many different faiths, put it. I could see him telling his sons and one daughter that they should be happy for their dad because of where he is going. But then I think about what he's feeling on the inside: anguish and sadness on missing out on his children's future and well-being; pain to leave his long time love, since his college days, behind; pain to see his father and mother lose yet another son to cancer (one of his elder brothers passed away just a few years ago). You hope for the best for his family, though, and that they maintain a tight connection with one another. That they console each other when feeling vulnerable and especially reminiscent of Matt.

Death is scary. And unpredictable. It sends a cold shiver down the spine. But death can have the inverse effect it has on those who are fortunate to keep going. Meaning that you can also take away some perspective from death; a perspective that should make you live your days much more fully, much more vibrantly, and with much more determination to do more, love more, and count your blessings more.

For one, you hope that the same strength shown as well as the level of acceptance of death Matt had -- being at peace with death, as he told me -- is something that you can grasp and deal with. It then offers reflection as to how you're living your life and life's purpose. Are we maximizing it? How connected are we to the non-virtualness of it? The questions, and sometimes answers that we innately know or have been taught, but ignore, come like a gushing river.

Moreover, as a Muslim, we are encouraged to give dawah to non-Muslims. Essentially, to educate and call others to Islam and our way of life as it is a complete, beautiful, and special way of life. A way to draw near to God and gain His pleasure. From this perspective, I feel as though I failed Matt in this. Sure, we talked about our religious beliefs on occasion and he always appreciated and respected what I told him about our faith. But I can’t help to question if it was enough? Only Allah can change people’s hearts, but could I have been a vessel to carry this out?

Perhaps, at this point, it’s futile to ask with respect to Matt because Allah’s Will has already been carried out. Regardless, I can’t but help to feel this way. I am saddened by losing a friend and I am further saddened by losing out on opportunity. With that thought, I’d like to encourage other Muslims to keep this in mind. I am sure many of us have friends, even good friends, as I still do, who are non-Muslims. How have we tried encouraging or promoting such friends about Islam? How do we not know that even something minor we say to someone cannot impact them through Allah’s Infinite Mercy and turn their hearts to Islam? Will such friends call unto Allah and say that we (me, you, our ummah) didn’t warn them or try hard enough?

In anyone’s death, there should be remembrance of Allah, for we all return to Him (SWT). I pray for Allah’s Forgiveness and Guidance. I pray that He (SWT) allows us to die with strong iman That He (Swt) blesses us with the understanding of reflecting upon death, such that we maximize life. Aameen.


Duas

Overdue Post: Reflections from Pak

Salaam

I have a bad habit of procrastinating. That's putting it mildly. If you take a look at my Gmail Inbox, you'll see that I've saved emails from months -- even years -- ago in hopes that one magical day I will make time (i.e. stop being lazy) and follow-up with it.

This blog entry on my Reflections from Pakistan is much the same. I began writing this short blurb while I was actually in Pakistan. My plan was to do live blogging. Looking back, I think it would've made for a phenomenal recap of my adventure, good memories, good reading, and intrigue (at least for me). I regret not doing it, to be honest.

Anyway, this early afternoon I was cleaning out my Inbox and noticed this unfinished entry I had emailed myself. I like it enough to post it, even though it's incomplete and I will likely not ever complete my Reflections from Pak entry. A part of me still wants to, but, c'mon Part-of-me-that-still-wants-to, it's closing in on a year since that trip! At this point, cut your losses, delete that email that has been in your Inbox since 11/10/2010, post it here, and move on to the next great idea you're going to procrastinate:


Reflections from Pak:

The journey to Pakistan via PIA was a long one, but nothing stressful, Alhamdullilah. I'd never really hear too many positive things about traveling PIA so my perspective was, at best, pessimistic. From service to food, friends and family warned me about their bad quality. This was further reinforced when a few days before traveling, we watched news on Geo TV about how some PIA planes had a mouse problem. Great, I thought, now I'm going to have to put my feet up and sit Indian style for the entire flight so I don't cause an international incident by panicking (i.e. screaming) about feeling something furry on my feet which would likely cause unrest and uproar amongst the other passengers therefore resulting in the need for the pilot to make an emergency landing which further attracts worldwide media speculation since it's a flight filled with brown folk. (If you think I'm indulging, you haven't heard me yell now have you?). The PIA experience, however, was thankfully quite contrary. The flight attendants were decent (I wouldn't necessarily rave about them at the same time), but most importantly the food was good. And they fed you quite often, which, as a family, we thought was impressive considering the airline industry's relative cheapness these days. I also enjoyed the interface for selecting movies, TV shows, etc. And their selections saved me a few bucks by not having to rent Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe (a decent rental-worthy movie).

Anyway, after stops in Barcelona and Lahore we finally arrived in Karachi around 3:30am. The airport was understandably quiet. The initial feelings we had were, Wow, we're finally here after such a long time. Almost hard to believe. While our last visit to Pakistan was 25+ years ago, there are still certain things that take me back. And the first thing that took me back came while we were waiting at Immigration: I could smell Pakistan. There are many "smells" to Pak. Some good. Some bad. Some neither. Beyond that description, I'd be at a loss of words. That and my love for this country would prohibit me from describing the bad smells...

We were greeted by Ali's future in-laws who, mashaAllah, got up so early just to greet us. And our cousin who also got up early to pick us up.

The ride to our uncle's was one to remember. The first thing I noticed was that despite it being dark outside, people driving trucks, cars, motorcycles refused to turn on their headlights. Not all of them, but definitely enough. I was bewildered. Sure, I've heard of Pakistanis being lazy, but this? The next thing I noticed was that no one bothered with staying in your own lane. Umar put it nicely: in Pakistan, apparently the lines on the roads are more of a suggestion than a law. Should you choose to obey traffic laws, you'd stay in between the lines.
---


Sorry, folks, that's all I got to. Only the first few hours of a two-week trip. If you feel jipped, just imagine how my wife feels when I procrastinate on doing household chores...






Cheers

Panda’s Surprise Visit

Hi

Prior to this past Friday, my wife had been after me for the both of us to go out to NYC and hit up Cairo’s Steakhouse. In fact, she was really adamant about it. I thought it to be out of the blue at first, but then I factored in the oh-yeah-she’s-a-chick factor and realized that this out of the blue persistence was nothing unusual.

She brought it up in the middle of the day while I was at work, so her suggestion came via text. Initially, I replied back with, “Ok, let’s see.” My wife, however, knows me well and promptly realizes that I’m trying to be politely non-committal about it, so a half second later, my iPhone convo-style text shows her response of, “No, I really want steak. Let’s goooooo!” Deep breath on my part and then I reply with a simple, “Ok, let’s do it :)” [1]. Of course, she’s thoroughly delighted. The rest of the week she’d randomly insert a “I can’t wait for some steak on Friday night!” comment. Who does she think she is? Me? I couldn’t help but to think that. It was slightly threatening to who I am, to be frank. Usually I’m the one that’s willing to go out to eat - especially if it involves meat! And especially to get up on outta da hood (Danbury) and to some civilization (anywhere outside of the Danbury area). Regardless, I went with it.

Cairo’s Steakhouse, Friday night:

I dropped the wife off in front of Cairo’s so she could start ordering considering that we were both pretty hungry and parking wasn’t readily available. That was fine with us because the weather was perfect and we always enjoyed our post-dinner walks, especially since we hit up a local Red Mango on the way back to the car.

I parked a block away from our Red Mango and begin walking down about 6 blocks to the restaurant. It was a busy night on the streets of the Astoria/Queens area (still familiarizing myself with all of NYC's burroughs), as one would expect it to be for a nice Friday night. The area we were in was dominated primarily by Arabs (presumably Egyptians), but, as you will typically find in NYC, there was a noticeable mix of ethnicities sprinkled throughout. Definitely not like the way it is back home in Chicago. On the walk back, I speak to Samuel Huck who was busy cooking up some steak and ribs of his own. Shortly after speaking with him, he texted me a pic of the food he cooked up. Mmm. Looked good and in turn got me hungrier, but before I know it, I'm in the restaurant.

This time around, I went with the burger. The first and last time we were there was with a friend of mine and his wife. His wife ordered a burger, which looked thick enough to be the size of a calf. As such, this was what I naturally had to get. The wife mixed it up, too, and went with this chicken dish, very succulent, that had a nice pile of garlic mashed potatoes to compliment it. The best part of my burger was perhaps the caramelized onions, but beyond that, it was OK. Honestly, I probably would have had more satisfaction with an A&W burger. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t what I was expecting from Cairo’s. Lesson learned: stick with the steak next time (or even the succulent chicken).

Before I continue, there are a couple things to note: Prior to our eating, two random statements were made from my in-laws. The first was when we had FaceTime’d my in-laws earlier to say “Hi,” and show them our new place. When my mother-in-law saw me, the first thing she said, very enthusiastically, was, “Happy Birthday!” Happy Birthday? OK, I’ve been married to your daughter for almost three years now, had my grand ol’ 30th celebrated at your home, know full well how closely you keep track of family and in-laws sal giras, but you say to Happy Birthday to me now? In June? Was Heena going to get me a gift? Was it a new take on Christmas in July, but now the version of my December birthday in June? It was puzzling. Fortunately for my mother-in-law, I am used to completely random comments from them. Well, mostly my wife. And brother-in-law. And father-in-law, too. Hmm. Ok, upon further review, let’s group them all back in that saying-random-stuff-to-confuse-the-son/brother-in-law/husband category. But for real, I was confused. Fortunately my wife was able to laugh off her comment and attribute it to “Lakhani humor.” Folks, this is a type of humor I do not even wish for my enemies. You have to be resiliently strong and brave to endure Lakhani jokes, and I guess that’s what I’m getting at when I speak of the random comments. Outside of these jokes, we get along 110% (ma sha Allah). :) [2]

The second random statement came from after I texted HP, my bros, and SILs a couple pictures of the food from the restaurant. HP had replied with, “Nice. How was his surp?” My what? OK, I had no idea what he was talking about, but I dismissed it and assumed that it was an iPhone autocorrect issue [3].

The wife and I carry-on with our dinner. Everything was nice. The weather. The food. My wife. My daughter. The masjid across the street where I had prayed maghrib and also heard a hafiz (I assume he was) with a beautiful voice, ma sha Allah, teaching a circle of students the Quran. Actually, it was really awesome. He would recite into the microphone a short passage from a verse of the Holy Quran in a melodic, spiritual voice. The students, in unison, would recite that same passage. One of the students mentioned to me that they do this every Tuesday and Friday between al-maghrib and al-isha [4]. And that you feel like you’ve memorized the verse at the end of the night because of the Hafiz's approach on teaching it. So beautiful, Alhamdullilah.

But I digress. Like I said, it was a nice evening. Even the wife mentioned, “Isn’t this nice? Just you, me, and our daughter?” Of course I said, “Yes,” but I kinda wondered why she would say that. After all, it’s only been the three of us for the past 3 – 4 months now. So even if we eat out, it’s just the three of us. Then I realized that maybe she was slightly annoyed from the previous weekend where I had asked a friend of mine to hang out with us when we hit up a halal soul food joint. So, of course, I didn’t push the issue and just kept to my burger while playing with my daughter, who was busy pointing at every other person in the restaurant and then waving them to come sit with us. Adorable she is, ma sha Allah. I pick her up from her stroller and put her on my lap. My daughter and I were well immersed into our own little world when suddenly, I hear a, “What I heard is that steak here is amazing.” I turn around...

Lo and behold!

The great giant Panda himself. In the flesh.

I was shocked. Panda? Here? How can this be? I looked over to my wife who started laughing, “I’ve been waiting and waiting for this!” Yet here he was. Initially I thought it was a cool lil surprise, but I found it odd and convenient that Panda had to be here. I thought to myself, This guy is in town to either see another friend, attend a wedding, or likely for work. But then I received another surprise after an already pleasant one: The dude was in town to specifically see me. In fact, he was even going to stay at our place.

Let me write this again because it still kinda gives me goosebumps and is still kind surreal: The dude was in town to specifically see me. Allahu Akbar!

That bit of info was more of a welcomed surprise than his initial appearance. I guess I have to say that I found it to be very touching and quite, well, phenom on Farooq’s part to coordinate with my wife to pull this off. By the same token, I must also give credit to my wife who somehow managed to hide this from me and help pull of the surprise. Speaking of “surprise,” guess what HP’s comment of “surp” stood for? Guess why my mother-in-law had enthusiastically said, “Happy Birthday!” Granted, they could’ve blown it and it did make me think that something was amuck, but I eventually dismissed it all, which meant that the surprise worked.

Back to Panda: This guy is remarkable. He knows that before this past Friday, I was prepared to write him off. Because he has the need to shoulder the world's corporate work on his shoulders, he is absorbed into his own world filled with pie charts, stats, and pivot tables. As a result, he has cut out everything else that's superfluous (i.e. me). This blackhole in my life also meant that he was unable to call/text me back. So much so that I was going to remove him from my Favorites in my iPhone phonebook – a coveted spot anyone would normally vye for, of course. Thus enters the sheer brilliance of Panda. He knows that he’s broken the heart of someone and then he makes up for it by flying about a thousand miles over to hang out for not even a full 24 hours. Like one of my friends mentioned, everything from the past few months in now erased. It's like he's upgraded and rebooted an old computer (I wonder if that's really how he sees the world...probably).

Anyway, I now find myself thinking of raising his spot in my Favorites list instead of removing [5]. Dang you, Farooq, and you're loving ways!

MAD JZK goes out to my boy for flying in. It was a great weekend, though short, and I am fortunate to have you as my homie. And MAD JZK for my wife for helping to coordinate and keep this under wraps. Impressive, indeed. For that, you both get a Full JZK: Jazak Allah khair. May Allah reward you with the best in this world and in the Hereafter; May He (swt) provide you with the joyous happiness you folks provide me. Allah huma Sali Allah Muhammad. Aameen!


Side Notes:
[1] The use of expressions/emoticons in texting or emailing has always been an area of great internal conflict for me. If I’m happy or excited, and talking to my wife, I feel it’s OK to reply back with a “:).” But what if it’s one of the guys? Will they think I’m girly? Easily excitable? With guys, sometimes showing a certain level of emotion is downright scary. Like if I get a smiley face from, say, Taha, does it show that him and I are bonding about something? That we may just hug for an extra second longer the next time we see each other? I dunno. I do think that smiley faces and other emoticons can take you outside that certain level of emotion and can possibly make it awkward. Having said that, I still use it, but strategically; like when someone can’t pick up on the tone of a text message that might be sarcastic. Throw in a smiley face and instead of getting a, “You’re a d-bag” response, you’ll get, “LOL!” I think I could really post a separate entry on this fascinating and deeply deep topic.

[2] This use of a smiley face is definitely purposeful. It’s to indicate to my in-laws, should they be bored enough to read this, that I was just joking! (Yep, I’m trying to employ a little CYA right now! Clever me!)

[3] You must visit the website called damn you autocorrect (google it). Absolutely hysterical, but be forewarned that you might spend a lot time on it (and it also just might have inappropriate comments, too, so...umm...please share those ones with me).

[4] Please note the purposeful usage of "al-" in front of maghrib and isha. This was to copy the way the brother who I was referring to said it. I thought it was cool. Makes it sound even more powerful.

[5] I’m definitely cautious here as to mention who is on my Favorites list and who ranks where -- especially since one of my friends once saw it and commented, “Oh, wow. AJ is higher up on your favorites list than me. MBN.” Look, don’t call this catty or girl-like (my wife loves saying, “You and your friends are such girls” with all our excessive emailing, texting, appreciating each others attire, looks, etc.). This is a passionate brotherhood of exclusivity that I enjoy with all my boys!





Cheers

Danbury Update: 3-months, Part I

Salaam

Well, it's been three months since I've arrived to CT, Alhamdullilah. I wasn't really sure what to expect and in many ways I'm still not sure. Being here for a one year contract position was a difficult choice: leaving family and friends, SGP, my home (= TV & the iMac), and, generally speaking, my comfort zone for the majority of my life. But, the choice was made and as a Muslim we have faith that Allah is the Best of Planners. The reason for leaving was to broaden my professional context from a networking perspective as well as a risk-taking perspective (i.e. moving about 1k miles away for a contract position, but with the hopes of helping to lead this group and building upon my resume). That was the professional reason. The personal reason was to experience life outside of that comfort zone. Granted, it's not like I've moved to another country with a uniquely different culture, but, honestly, have you ever been to the East Coast? It may as well be...

The first few days of CT life started out with something I'm all too familiar with: lots of driving. Not only did I drive to CT from Chicago (a 15.5 hour journey that ended safely thanks to my wife staying on the phone with me for the last hour to keep me from dozing off), but the very next morning I drove from my cousin's place to Danbury (aka "Do-me-bury" courtesy of none other than Masood) for the next four days in a row in order to find an apartment. The distance from my cousin's place to Danbury is about 70 miles. So that's a lot of mileage I put on my bechara Corolla, ma sha Allah. Anyway, the apartment hunting took up the better part of those days and it's actually quite tiring. Two of those days were spent with a realtor my wife found. He was an older dude and knew Danbury and the surrounding areas extremely well. It was actually very useful to have him because I got a pretty good tour and feel of the area. He also pointed out specific attractions (yes, I'm taking the liberty of abusing that word) such as the awesomely cool Stew Leonard's (OK, it's a huge grocery/dairy store, but, I kid you not, it's worth checking out) [See Side Note #1 at the end] [Also See Side Note #2], one of the nation's smallest underpass bridges, and one pretty legit pizza place in Bethel, which he told me is the birthplace of PT Barnum (the circus dude). So, finally, by Sunday I settled on a nice looking apartment community that would allow me something I was not at all familiar with: a short commute from home to work. This place was all of 5 minutes and 33 seconds away from work.

...

Sorry, I needed a moment to take that in even after 3 months. A 5 minute commute? Me? After ten years of having loooong commutes [Side Note #3], Allah hooked me up most mercifully with a tremendous, tremendous blessing of experiencing a short commute. I look back at the past ten years and ask myself, "WTH was I thinking? And how come no one cared enough to provide an intervention for that?" To be honest, though, the one part of the long commute I do miss is using that time to catch up with friends, recite my wird when I was being a acha bacha, and listening to lots of talk radio, music, and/or miscellaneous stuff on CDs or my iPhone (i.e. lectures, Bollywood music, Amreekan music, Pakistani music, naats, qawallis, Quran, etc.). But, FTR, I do not miss it enough to where I'm asking for a long commute again! The fact that I come everyday for lunch is epic, a money saver, and phenomly phenom in that I get to spend time with my lil cutie pie, Suhaylah. Oops, let me revise that part for my continued posterity, "...and phenomly phenom in that I get to spend time with my amazing wife & my lil cutie pie, Suhaylah." (OK, since I pay her to read my blog, I do have to mention that she's been cooking like never before and doing a great job of spoiling me.) [Side Note #4].

OK, so now you're of course thinking, Wow, Pac Daddy, everything seems pretty legit. You're living life on the edge by having moved out to the East Coast and now you have a short commute, too. Can it get any better? Well, thanks for asking. Because while it can and does, Alhamdullilah, it definitely took an interesting turn on the way. You see, the apartment I selected was located essentially at a walk-out basement level. I thought this to be highly phenom as it allowed privacy (corner unit and the last building in the community), a nice yard in the back that my kid could play in, and a jungle (ok, woods, but relative to Chicago, the CT/New England area is a colossal jungle), which looked really beautiful & scenic. I began thinking to myself that this Danbury area could really work itself more positively than I imagined. Danbury was, relatively speaking, a sizeable city that had a uniqueness to it: a downtown area that had pockets of an old town feeling, some parts that are run-down, other areas could be best described as quaint (I wanted to say, "cute"), many other parts that were beautiful as everything here is hilly and located in the woods (this isn't an exaggeration, folks), one area that has CT's largest mall (Chicagoans, this isn't saying much, but the mall is def nice) with a Cheesecake Factory being built and, crucial to highlight, a Coldstone Creamery across the street from it, and many, many hole-in-the-wall/mom'n'pop shops like Double Twister (phenom homemade ice cream place). [Side Note #5]. And so to me that's something I looked (still do) forward to exploring.

Little did I know, however, that my own apartment was going to be an exploration, on many different levels, by itself...


To Be Continued... (= when I'm bored @ work again)

Side Notes:
#1. Yes, for those that are fans of Bill Simmons' Grantland project (great site), I am totally copying his footnotes style here bc it's really cool and, if I've learned anything in life, cool things are worth copying like the one time in kindergarten I ditched school because one of the troublemakers in our class did it and, well, it was obviously cool (just don't ask me about my mom's reaction that I still remember all these years later). Anyway, I need some nerd to show me the HTML tags to do the linking. Any takers?

#2. Is this what Danbury has lead me to? Convincing people that a huge grocery/dairy store is an attraction? If so, then so be it. And you will be forced to check it out if & when you visit me. Doh, maybe I shouldn't've wrote that because now I pretty much guaranteed you won't visit. :-/ But, really, I love Stew Leonard's.

#3. At one point, back in Chicago, my commute was so long that I was considered a traveller and could shorten my namaz at work. Of course, that translated into me staying late so I could do Isha as a traveller, too. Just kidding, please relax to any RG (religious guy) reading this. But my long commutes were also due to my desire of not wanting to leave the Southwest suburbs of Chicago, which I love dearly.

#4. I feel like I just sold out on my loyal blog readers, who I don't pay to read this, by having a shot out to my wife. I'm sorry, loyal readers, but if you're married and the only friend you have in Danbury is your wife, then you'll understand why these shotouts are necessary and could be a potential reoccuring theme for future blogs throughout my stay in Danbury. Wow, I think I need to internalize this for a second. My wife is my only friend out here. Wait a second. Will the wife read this Side Note? Crap. I'm doubley screwed now.

#5. So it seemed like Danbury encompassed everything any normal person would want: a dubious area to keep you on your toes, nature to keep on your toes due to the looming threat of wild deer and/or pheasants attacking you without warning alongside an army of insects the Midwest has never seen (and I pray never sees) and pollen the size of golf balls to ensure that even though you've been keeping yourself agile and alert by being on your toes, you won't be able to breathe so you'll just have to stay indoors assuming that the pollen, which has created a thick film on your car, hasn't travelled with you and that the deer and pheasants haven't devised a strategy to at least leverage their insect army to seek out, infiltrate, and destroy your apartment. Oh my God. I just had an ephiphany about this place. CT is like the body's immune system. It's a big ol' white blood cell that won't stop attacking foreign objects like myself and my family. Or maybe it's like Rambo. No matter what the age, it will infuse itself with steroids (= pollen) and keep on finding insane ways of killing you. Or maybe it's like my brother, Liam. It has a certain set of skills and will find you and kill you (see the movie Taken for background). Or maybe it's like...ok, ok. I'll stop. Honestly, it's not that bad, but it's fun to make fun of some of the things we've experienced. Overall, I'm truly grateful for what I have here no matter what it is. All Praise is Due to Allah.


More to come

Mad JZK, Fellas

Salaam

Well, my moment is here. Off to CT for a new chapter in life inshaAllah. So many emotions running through before I leave, it's hard to capture it all...

I wanted to predictably say, "MAD JZK" to all of you guys again for coming through on Friday night to DM one more time before I head out from Bufu, IL to Bufu, CT.

I especially would like to thank AJ for his coordination of the entire event. I'm taking the liberty to describe myself as a master planner of events, too, so I know something involving like 25 guys, ma sha Allah, is no easy task. And AJ did this, as always, effectively and beyond what I could ever ask for. The food set-up was amazing (and thanks to Sayeed for brining the rice from Usmania Chinese), the picture with everyone's messages was an amazing idea and took a lot of work to set-up. I was duly impressed and touched. Of course, in no small part was my guy Taha who was the gracious host (and I should mention Sana here, too). It was phenom of him to give up his place so willingly and help make sure the event was smooth. Him and AJ avoided any "mega" disasters. Taha's hosting coupled with his poker table management was great and much appreciated.

I enjoy writing highlights of any event, so without exception, here they are:

1. The "Good Luck, Pac" sign with everyone's (a) heart-felt and/or (b) hysterical messages
2. The speech(es). Courtesy of AJ, some of it has been captured and uploaded to YouTube (but YouTube / iPhone restricted the amount that was able to be uploaded): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKw6hX3pSgw
3. Memorable parts of the speeches:
4. From Aref desperately campaigning for control and acceptance of the DMC to AJ's hug-to-say-it-all.
5. From Aladdin's baseball bat story (true story) on how we met (and maintained our friendship) to Irfan's 10-min long speech, which, while started off slowly w/no material, ended very sincerely and phenomly.
6. From Samir's absolute molestation of me to Taha admitting that he wanted me gone so he could spark a new romance with AJ (this won't happen as [a] I will kill you or [b] I will kill you).
7. From Sayeed also admitting that he wanted to attend at least one party with me so he could see me go to my own brother Ali/Jake/Liam admitting he wanted to see me leave to gain more control over the house (I'm beginning to detect a pattern of you guys anxiously waiting for me to depart...).
8. From Fahad finally admitting he was turned on when he, well, got a piece of me sometime ago, to Badie asking me about my sister.
9. I can keep going on-and-on, but I hope you basically get the point that in fact this was something I really enjoyed and will cherish.
10. The un-RG discussion led by Aladdin (go figure) on how to have a boy. [RG = religious guy, for those who are somehow unaware]
11. The heart-felt speech Jake gave before I cut the cake
12. The food and dessert set-up. Even the cake that had a picture of a clown (perhaps representing how you all perceive me)
13. My realization that while playing poker, after winning a BIG hand and throwing in chips w/out regard, that there's probably a reason why Allah has not made me filthy rich
14. The stripping part of the night which caused all RGs (ok, just Sayeed; the lone RG) to look down to lower the gaze. Which probably was the smart thing to do.
15. Above everything else, all my homies who came through just to hang out and bang.

Alhamdullilah, Allah has blessed me with the best of brothers and friends. I am grateful. Please know that in CT, you all have a home. And I realize that CT itself is not anything particularly sexy, so keep in mind that NYC is only an hour or so away. Please keep me in your duas as I begin this new chapter in life; you are all in mine.

With much love,

Pac

Visiting My Father

Salaam

In the heart of Lahore, accentuated with the coming of Eid, the markets were busier than usual. Understanding how the streets there worked was downright puzzling. Countless markets were selling meats of all kind (fresh fish, beef, chicken, and notably goat meat). Beggars, as usual, were pleading for money. Young boys were either running errands for their families or up to no good by playing in the streets. Men were directing their mules strapped with large wagons holding vegetables, or fruits, or anything else they could sell in order to make a living. Clothing shops were being frequented by people with an appetite for bargaining while small and large hole-in-the-wall restaurants were being frequented by people with small or large appetites. There were shops selling furniture or a variety of trinkets. Shops selling equipment or gadgets. And some shops selling things I wasn't even sure of what purpose they could serve.

Meanwhile, people in cars were trying to manage narrow lanes with hundreds of people walking through them or bikes and motorcycles zooming in and out between cars and rickshaws alike. Everything you could imagine in a market multiplied by 100.

So, the markets, and the world for that matter, carried on as usual.

But in the middle of this hustle and bustle lies a graveyard. It's not as prominent as you would expect especially coming from the West. In fact, you may even walk right by it without noticing. And perhaps thats how it intended to be.

But if you were to happen across it and enter the graveyard, you'll notice on your right a small but frequently visited masjid welcoming you. Outside of the masjid the graveyard contains the bodies of at least a couple or few hundred souls. One of those souls belongs to that of my father. (May Allah rest his soul and grant him forgiveness and peace. Allah huma sali Allah Muhammad. Aameen).

The graveyard itself was simple -- again by comparison to Western standards -- but its inherent and immaculate beauty coupled by the serenity felt while walking on it's pathways was apparent. Outside were the chaotic Lahorey streets and inside was tranquility. Many graves had beautiful white marble with small plants over it. Nothing grandiose but noticeable and beautiful. Other graves had simple black signs with the name of the person who occupied its space etched in white. On the other hand, additional graves lacked such identification. And if it wasn't for the raised mound of dirt recognizing that a body was buried there, you could easily walk right over them. Nothing else to differentiate it or tell people who lays there. For such individuals, most would walk by without a second thought, though the more introspective among us would wonder who lays there and whether that person has loved ones who visit and make dua for them. Allah knows best, but I sincerely hope there are...

You may know that my father died almost two years ago.

He passed away with little to no possessions in his name, mashaAllah. After his passing, pictures of his room revealed the simplicity of his lifestyle fit for those who you usually only read or hear about. In other words, those who prefer to live simply while focusing purely on Allah and spending as many moments as they can in the masjid. Someone who didn't care much for the world. Someone who knew a secret. A secret that really isn't or shouldn't be a secret, though most people live like it is: the secret of knowing that this life is but an illusion. A temporary place in which we were instructed to live in it like a traveler.

Now think of the description I provided of the graveyard and it's environment. It's surrounded in the middle of one of Lahore's busiest streets yet inside it's calm and secluded, perhaps protected, from all the commotion. It doesn't care for the outside world. The hustle and bustle. It maintained itself on the inside with pristine and awe inspiring beauty. Similarly, my father's love for ibadat, despite living in a world that begs for attention with the same tenacity that the beggars on the market streets do for money, is equally awe inspiring.

The All Mighty, through visiting my father, had taught us this important lesson.

I would have never imagined that saying salaam to my father in person after so long would be this way. The thought is a painful one which is always followed by uncontrollable tears. The love between a father and son is unique, powerful. No matter the situation. Of course, I am reminded that Allah is the Best of Planners and on this I have absolute yakeen.

So it was only fitting that my father, who, especially in his later years, was unphased by the duniya and it's offerings, was buried in a graveyard that was uninhibited by its surroundings. I am content with this. Actually, I am more than content for where Allah has planned and allowed for my father to be buried; I am grateful.

Allah in His infinite Wisdom, Mercy and Forgiveness elevated my father in such amazing fashion. SubhanAllah. Alhamdullilah. Allahu Akbar.

May Allah accept the good deeds from my father. May Allah grant my father noor, comfort, and protection in the grave. May Allah always facilitate loved ones to continue making dua for him. May He (Swt) forgive his sins and elevate his rank in the Hereafter. Allah huma sali Allah Muhammad. Aameen.

With love to you always, Dad,
Imran

Vegas

Hi

[Blogger's note: I began writing my account of a recent trip to Vegas and LA on the plane ride back home, but never posted it. At this point, it's kinda pointless to do so since I've shown the pics of it and as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words...]

It's been about a year since I've vacationed with my wife. Our last trip was a nice international trip largely due to the fact that I had to go across the pond for some work and turned it into a little recreation as well. It was a tad bit cold, but still enjoyable.

Anyway, this trip we ensured that the weather wasn't going to be an issue and so we West Coasted it by going to Vegas and LA. The Vegas part was my idea and LA was the wife's, which I'm thankful for because the trip would've been otherwise really short.

Vegas
We get to Vegas last Wednesday late afternoon to the Hilton Grand Vacations Hotel, which is right off The Strip. The hotel has two towers and it's about six years old. The tower we stayed in is the newer part at about 2 years, maybe three. We stayed in a one BR apartment style room. A room that we could've comfortably stayed a week (and believe me, we probably packed for at least a month's worth of clothes). It was really nice and very clean. Initially we stayed in a room that had a view of The Strip but it was a part of The Strip where there's sill a lot of construction. So we switched over to a view of the Red Rocks Mtn. That was much better. The room itself had a flat screen in the living room, a small dining table that could easily accommodate for three or four (= a minimum of ten by desi standards). The full kitchen had granite counter tops and ceramic tiling for the back splash. The cabinetry was a dark wood which was surprisingly filled with dishes for your use. There was also a large closet that we thought was a pantry but turned out to house a washer/dryer unit. That made us feel kinda silly that we over packed but we had no idea of course. As a side note, the wife and I tend to always overpack but this trip in particular was the worst by far. We easily had ten outfits to go by the end of the trip between the two of us! Clearly a reflection of not traveling as much as we'd like.

So getting back to the room: the bathroom was nice and adjoining to it was a closet leading to the bedroom. Directly opposite of the bedroom closet was a huge tub which we never used (except once as a wudu station). So anyway we were sold on the comforts of Hilton and living the Hilton life. (Imagine how Paris Hilton travels...)

After settling in, ordering some room service for drinks and eating my father-in-law's phenom chicken sandwich he had so kindly packed earlier that day, we assessed our what-to-do options:
1) pay $300+ per person to watch Cirque Du Soliel performance of O at the Belagio
2) pay $350 per person to go a helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon.
3) walk up and down The Strip which was gonna be Heena's first experience and my second.
4) watch cheaper shows
5) pay waaay cheaper than option one to watch Ka by Cirque Du Soliel at the MGM Grand
6) engage in shady activities following the principle of "What happens in Vegas..." [Azubillah!]

We opted for options 3 & 5. Number six was tempting considering the city's nickname (kidding) and the other pricey options were, well, pricey. Though if we would achieve we-live-in-Oakbrook-and-can-afford-anything status, then we will undoubtedly follow up on the first two options inshaAllah. (FYI: helicopter tour picks you up in a limo and you have drinks in the sunset.)

[Blogger's note: Yep, that's as far as I got. Simply for the fact that I started it and had it my email for some time, I thought I'd publish what little I have.]


Cheers

Flash Forward Flahes Lost & Other Season Premieres

Hi

I thought it appropriate with today's weather to write about last week's Fall TV season premieres. Overall, I have to say that I'm quite pleased.

Flash Forward
Great start. I think most people I've talked to have taken an instant liking to this show, but one of the aspects that's really roping in people to the show are the Lost references. Consider the billboard in the background of this shot (link courtesy of Farooq). Not only this reference to Oceanic Airlines (and a comedic one if you squint your eyes to read it), but some sites out there (http://the-odi.blogspot.com/) are drawing comparisons to the numbers mentioned in Lost. Now, this obviously cannot be chalked to mere coincidence. It has to be one of the following reasons: (1) Great marketing to get Lost fans into a new show considering that this will be Lost's last season. I can imagine producers of the show sitting at their brainstorm sessions saying, "Ok, now that we've mind F'd these people into drawing parallels between the show [that may or may not exist], what can we do to keep them coming?" "I know!" chimes another producer, "Let's slowly sneak the entire cast of Lost into the show." And so enters Dominic Monaghan, the actor that plays Charlie in Lost, into the promo for the next show. And then there's Penny from Lost (actress Sonya Walger) who plays Olivia Benford. But, who knows, with the expiration of Lost, these actors may simply be well-liked to the network and are trying to capitalize on it. Alternatively, we might get into the second reason: (2) The Lost World and FF World are in fact the same "universe" and there are intentional crossover, overlapping stories. How ridiculous would that be?! Ridiculous in a possibly phenom sense, that is. That, for example, the worldwide blackout is related to the time traveling from the island or when Ben initially made the island disappear or... Well, for FF-Lost conspiracy theories, I'm sure you can find tons on the WWW. Regardless, even as a standalone product, Flash Forward is extremely interesting. The baseball footage where they showed some random person awake was eerily cool and intriguing. It makes you think of the many possibilities of what happened: a new natural phenomena? Aliens? Something that will always remain unknown? An act of God (azubillah; but I'm sure that will be a small theme)? A government conspiracy? Guess I'll have to stay tuned..

Heroes
Two-hour premieres are always good. This show started off Season 1 unbelievable. It was on its way to becoming one of my favorites shows of all time. I could probably watch Season 1's season finale 100x. Subsequent seasons, however, were lacking. I'm not sure what creator/producer Tim Kring was thinking. It was like he was taking a football team to the promised land, but inexplicably decides to bench his starters in favor of the third stringers. The last two seasons strayed away from the great ideas and themes of the first season; namely, the battle between good and evil (Peter: the embodiment of good, the reluctant hero; Hiro the eternal optimist; Sylar: the embodiment of evil). Actually, I think I still kept watching because of Sylar. He was always entertaining. Anyway, this season seems like its trying to return to what captivated us fans in the first place. Peter is back to his original job helping people out. He had a radio (reminiscent of Peter Parker in one of the Spider-Man movies) to listen to crimes and stop them -- using his Superman-esque (not quite, but you know what I mean) powers for good. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the duality of Nathan's character with him battling his inner Sylar and with Sylar getting in Parkman's head. I also like the mysterious new presumably evil character who is apparently on some mission of redemption, though you can tell he has some sort of grand plan. (What's his power btw?!) Also, for those that didn't know, the guy with the knives who moves really fast is the same guy who played Darth Maul in the fourth installment of Star Wars. Let's hope Heroes can keep the momentum. I'm not sure if I can take anymore disappointment...

Smallville
Phenom! Clark is finally trying to embrace his Kryptonian side and become who he is destined to be (that would be Superman -- i.e. a lesser version of myself). I like the costume. It's nothing fancy, but the S symbol is what's good to finally see. I also like the introduction of Zod (currently only a Major and not a General) and I'm intrigued as to why they don't have any of their powers. Seeing Zod interact with Tess will -- hopefully -- also prove to be an interesting development. Admittedly, though, I am really disappointed with how they simply killed off Doomsday from the prior season. He's the guy that kills Superman in the comics. There should have been an EPIC fight scene either last season or the start of this season. Anyway, the producers and writers can make it up to me by making Clark embrace his inner "It's a bird, It's a plane, It's Superman" by FLYING! C'mon! Ok, they did at least elude to it the premiere and successfully teased us by showing him jumping off the Statue of Liberty but then cut to another scene. Next episode with Metallo should be a good one...I hope.

Community
Hysterical pilot episode. This show had me at the trailer I saw when the character Abed (played by Chicago native Danny Pudi) replay a scene from classic Breakfast Club. I was dying. I really like the dialogue; it's witty, funny, and even charming. So while it may remind you of me, instead of solely checking me out, you should check this out, too.

Anyway, that's it for now. A few of my other regular shows haven't premiered as yet (i.e. Legend of the Seeker [a guilty pleasure], Lost, and my beloved Chuck), but I'll critique at that point.


Cheers

An Ode to Michael Jordan

Hi

Yesterday, the greatest basketball player to date and of all time was enshrined into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

It was arguably one of the greatest HOF class inductions. You had David Robinson (The Admiral), John Stockton, Coach Vivian Stringer, Jerry Sloan, and His Airness, Michael Jordan.

The speeches for the most part were interesting and like Jordan mentioned (he was of course the last to speak) in his speech, you learned a little bit about the others that you probably didn't know before. Jordan's speech, though, was clearly the best. Of course I am biased as all heck, but the night definitely belonged to him. Even Stockton joked around how his family and friends came so far more so to see Jordan than him.

Now, if you don't understand who MJ was, then you probably would think his speech wasn't as memorable or significant as it should have been. This is clearly the opinion of Adrian Wojnarowski from Yahoo! Sports. In fact, the title of his article is "Jordan's night to remember turns petty." The article had some points to it. Yes, Jordan was definitely getting back at people -- Jeff Van Gundy, Bryon Russell, etc. And, yes, he did in almost narcissistic fashion tell his kids that he wouldn't want to be them (note: if you didn't watch it, first, shame on you, but second, know that he said it laughingly). But if you think somehow that this made his speech -- his moment to shine -- somehow less than expected, or uneventful, or "petty," then you probably have no clue who MJ really is. At least to his countless fans.

You cannot blame the guy for his comments if you really want to think about it. Let's consider ALL the attention he's received to date and will likely continue to receive for years to come: For starters, and to make my job here easier, why don't you YouTube Jordan and see all the various homages he has out there? There are videos that people have on him where you can tell they took a lot of time to put together (example 1 out of thousands: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtU0ifvVPV8&channel=hoopsencyclopedia). ESPN created a phenom link on their website capturing his top 23 moments leading up to yesterday's commencement. And what about his marketing genius that came as a result of his play? I've blogged this before, but here's another one. I also noticed yesterday on Facebook that my die hard Kobe Bryant and LA Lakers fan of a cousin posted an interview with Mike Wilbon and Jordan with a caption underneath stating, "simply the greatest ever." He put the Chicago Bulls on the map...and internationally, too. I have personally experienced this during my travels to Europe. I recall one cab driver in Madrid, who didn't speak much English, say "Chicago Bulls!" with a big a smile when I told him I was from Chicago. This guy mattered that much to the NBA. To basketball.

So, tell me, how can you fault him for telling us what's on his mind? For getting back at others not simply because he can (and should in my opinion!), but also to show just how competitive he is. Even now. And it's not like Jordan was completely self-absorbed. Adrian Wojnarowski forgets to mention that Jordan mentioned his ex-wife to his kids to recognize her contributions. He talked at length about his competitive drive stemming from his brothers and sisters. About how his mom still keeps him at check despite being 46 years old.

Jordan is the greatest ever. He created a dynasty and one of the most dominant teams in sports history. He was right last night. It's the players who go out there and play. And it was Jordan who would find ways to win.

Last night was Jordan being himself...cocky & competitive to the end. I loved it!

Congratulations, Michael Jordan. We miss you!


But here's looking to seeing you in uniform at 50. Like you said, "...limits, like fears, are often just an illusion."

Bears Season '09-'10

Hi

The season fast approaches and I am so excited. A rejuvenated
Urlacher? Jay Cutler? Forte repeating (hopefully exceeding) last
year? Devin Hester proving he's a legit #1?

So many questions.

My life can finally resume with football and Da Bears back in the
picture!!!

Bear Down!

FYI: pic here is from the first ever game I attended last season.
Bears won in OT against fudge packers. One of the coldest games ever,
too! Jzk, Meraj/Taha for the hookup!