An Ode To A Kashmiri...

Hi

It's no secret that I've been on edge lately with my love-hate, passionate, and flaming relationship with Ahmed Hassan. His guju-like antics have been annoying to me. Despite that, I fall victim to his flamingly hot hair and messages of, "I still love you" after he hardcore disses me. It's painful, but in true fashion of a woman, I come back to him each time as if nothing has happened.

What his charm is, I don't know. I wonder how a presumably sane girl could ever fall in love with a guy like him. If there IS a girl out there, she's gotta have a thing for rollercoaster rides, because AH puts you through the biggest emotional rollercoaster ride of your life...

Here's a recent gmail chat we had shortly after my Mexico City trip:

Ahmed: look who it is...

me: Wow. How are the wife and kids? It's been so long. Is Prince Junior off to college now?

Ahmed: actually i named my firstborn imran, after a friend i used to have got kidnapped in mexico. i never heard from him since

me: Kidnapped? I heard that he made a run for the border b/c his old best friend (some Kashmiri prince guy) left him... The story is being put out everywhere. Hell, maybe I should put it on my blog?

Ahmed: wouldnt know about that, cuz last i heard the punjabi kid just used the kashmiri to go see his house in stl, then immediately cut off all contact

me: "An Ode to the Kashmiri-Punjabi Love Affair"

Ahmed: my mom always told me never to get emotionally involved with punjabis "theyll ALWAYS end up breakin ur heart" she would say. i shoulda known

me: Is that what you heard?

Ahmed: thats what i KNOW

me: I've been told through great Punjabi narrations of epic love stories that "The Kashmiri will entrance you, take you to his home, make you fall in love with him, his hometown, his parents. And then, when you're at Cloud 9, he'll drop you like an anvil dropping on Wild E Coyote" (I may have lost something in the translation). But that's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Ahmed: thats cuz the translation was misinterpreted by uneducated punjabi servants

me: InshaAllah, I plan a rescue party for this guy's lost soul. Maybe he'll be reunited with his friend one day. Maybe. If only there are 100 other people around, though... On a serious note...does Taha know you're IM-ing me? Is he in the same room? I mean, did you get the authorization to do this? You know? Talk to me without Taha not being in a 15 feet radius?

Ahmed: on an ACTUAL serious note, do u even know who this is? im NOT taha or aj or sami or lord v or or krishna or tariq or farooq or raja or [insert girl name]

me: oooh wow.

Ahmed: yea thats what i thought

me: I see how this is. I see how a dirty Kashmiri has to play this dangerous game of love

Ahmed: well this dirty kashmiri has to get his beauty sleep, but word around the hood is he might see u here tomm night in which case i would cancel EVERYTHING

me: That's a lie. I'm going to see Taha, that's about it!
LIAR!!

Ahmed: but in the mean time, all i can do is pray that the rumors are true

me: You wouldn't cancel ANYTHING for me!! In fact, you'd come up with convoluded stories of how you've all-of-a-sudden heated up your mom's food and can't have me over to chill out

Ahmed: low blow!! that actually happened

me: Now imagine THAT!!!

Ahmed: thats it, im going to bed, and i best wake up tomm and u best get down here to see me!!

me: Damn straight it actually happened! Go to bed. Dream of a love that once was, too... :P

Ahmed: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

That was the last time I ever heard or seen Ahmed Hassan and thus the inspiration to write this ode to him. If you've seen him, please call 9-1-1 right away. He needs to be held accountable for what he does. Oh, and if you do see him, tell him that I still love him...

Peace out, A-Town.

Da Bears: An End of a Season to Remember

It wasn't Peyton Manning or the Colts that beat us; it was the Bears not being themselves that made us lose. They didn't win because they were just oh-so-good, they won because we were oh-so-bad. The Colts didn't beat the best team in the NFC. Now don't get me wrong here - Da Bears are the best team in the NFC, but it wasn't Da Bears that FINISHED that game, if you know what I mean. We gave up a winnable game.

Look, I can't tell you how I feel right now. To say "angry," "depressed," "happy about going to the Super Bowl," etc. just doesn't quite do it, folks. But I do appreciate the people out there that have been nice and tried to sympathize via emails, texts, etc. It's appreciated.

You see, I've got a trillion emotions running in me right now. At one moment you will find me content about the season: Rex's first full year as a QB despite year-after-year of season ending injuries - where any other person in the world would never recover from - was a pretty good sign (this is something, btw, I've been saying before all the f-ing sports writers have). The 1-2 punch of Jones and Benson is absolutely lethal; Jones proved that he's the hardest working person out there on offense and Benson kinda proved his money's worth. The "new" #23 is remarkable. Berrian is lightning itself reincarnated. We do have a tight end and he makes huge plays for us. Our DEF is unstoppable and clutch. Our coaching is solid. Our true fandom ever present. 15-4 for the season, baby.

And yet another moment you will see me in rage: What the hell was wrong with Turner's and Rivera's pathetic play calling during the freaking game? Why didn't they run more? Why did the play a kind of prevent defense the entire time and NOT pressure Manning more? Why can't Rex take a snap? What the hell was Rex thinking with some of those passes? Where was our f-ing hits/tackling on defense? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! How could we go from 14 points in the 1st quarter to scoring 3 points over the next 55 minutes? How could we NOT have staged a comeback when we were only 5 down in the 4th? How come adjustments were NOT made?! What the...?! How could we NOT run the ball more?! Is that NOT what we did against the flippin Saints? Did we not run all over them? Why didn't they put Adrian Peterson after Benson was out?

Other times you'll find me sympathetic: Man, we lost but Jones got ~115 yards on just 15 carries. I feel for Lance Briggs; he was emotional after the game which shows me just how badly he wanted and expected it. Hey, we made it this far, man. The Super Bowl. We "lost" to a future NFL QB legend, hall of famer, and one of the greatest QBs of all time. Devin Hester is in fact ridiculous. Poor Benson. Poor Urlacher, Kreutz, Maynard, etc. (i.e. guys who've always been there even through bad seasons). No defense can possibly play the level that we did for the length of time we were out on the field.

You'll also find me genuinely pissed off to where I don't care about anything. Or depressed to where I feel like never leaving my bed. Hopeful that this is a bad dream that I'm bound to wake up from any second now. And also hopeful for next year. When someone told me to "Get over it," I can't help but to shake my head knowing that people like that just don't get it (this after controlling my rage upon hearing something so, as Rex would say "ignorant.")

Alright, I could go on and many of you will probably not understand a single thing I say. Guys on the Bears list would. Guys who've been die hards like I have through winning AND losing seasons would. And the same guys who'll be right back there next season cheering for da team like it's, yes, 1985...

Bear Down for life. Da Bears.

Da Bears: Super Bowl Sunday

26 HOURS AWAY!

As of this posting, the Bears-Colts Super Bowl is but 26 hours away. I can't handle this...

For the official countdown, see the Chicago Bears' website.

Evo vs Lambo: Top Gear

AA

If you're a guy and have ever been on YouTube, you should be very well acquainted with the phenom British show called Top Gear (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/ or http://www.topgear.com/). Thanks to EJ (Ejaaz), by the way, for introducing me to Top Gear via my brother many months ago.

Anyway, it's great. The guy basically has one of the greatest dream jobs out there. He test drives cars on a race track and shows you their capability. One awesome one was of a Lotus outdoing an Apache helicopter. Seriously, type those key words in YouTube - you will not regret it!

But for now, enjoy this. A Mitsubishi Evo 8 versus a Lamborghini Murcielago:



Mad props to Mitsubishi. I'm so buying that car!

Salaam

Bears Super Bowl Shuffle - Remix

Hi

Taha actually alerted me about this, though it's now common amongst the Bears people. Whoever wrote this is my hero:

SUPER BOWL SHUFFLE '06-'07 - THE REMIX

We're the new Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
Going 13-3 is how we get our kicks
Blowin' your mind like '85-'86
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Brian Urlacher
Urlacher here, I'm the heart of the D
You wanna get to the endzone, gotta go through me
I'm a hit with the ladies, they love my style
But putting hits on Favre is what makes me smile
We've known all season that we're number 1
The new Monsters of the Midway, we're having some fun
We didn't come here to look for trouble
We just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Rex Grossman
Well they call me Sexy Rexy and I'm young and tough
Had a couple rough games, but I know I got the stuff
I'm an Indiana boy, at home on a farm,
I like throwing it deep and showing off my arm
Staying cool under pressure, is the key
And if we get behind, we've always got our D
I've got my doubters, but watch me, girl
My Super Bowl Shuffle's gonna shock the world

Thomas Jones
Thomas Jones here, the man in the middle
Running the ball is like solving a riddle
First I find a gap, then I read the D
Once I get a step, ain't nobody catchin me
Me and Cedric B we make the run look pretty,
Bringing some offense to the Windy City
I didn't come, to burst your bubble,
I just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Muhsin Muhammad
This is Muhsin Muhammad, I'm a heckuva guy
Throw a pass in the air and watch me fly
Fans call me Moose and scream my name
#1 receiver, I got crazy mad game
Like a speeding train, streaking down the field
I outrun the D like they're on training wheels
If you like my skills on the turf and grass
Just wait 'til you see me shakin' my a—
There's no one here that does it like me,
My Super Bowl Shuffle will set you free

Robbie Gould
I'm Robbie Gould, pro bowlin for a reason
I went 26 of 26 to start the season
Breakin' Bears records and winning clutch games
They say I'm good as gold, and not just cause of my name
Most kickers are quiet, but I'm all smiles
Put the game on the line and I can kick for miles
I didn't come here, looking for trouble
I just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Devin Hester
"Thank heaven for Devin", the papers say
Faster than a cheetah, is the Hester way
Give me open field and I'll show you a score
I'm bringing sexy to special teams like never before
When it's time to punt they're all full of fear
Making moves and making plays, you know I'm rookie of the year
That's why I got here, on the double
To take the Bears to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Lance Briggs
I'm the tacklin machine, stopping fools on a dime
Big Lance Briggs, and I always get mine
Forcin fumbles is what I'm all about
And sacking QBs makes me scream and shout
When the ball is snapped, get outta my way
Cause you know Lance Briggs gonna make a play
I didn't come here to start no scuffle
I just wanna do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Tank Johnson
Get ready for the Tank, cause I'm here to stay
Mighta made some mistakes, but I'm ready to play
Forget about what you may have read
No more messin' around, I'm playin' ball instead
The best tackle in the biz, I'm big and tough
And when it comes to dancin, I got the stuff
I really don't wanna cause more trouble
I just wanna do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Bernard Berrian
Berrian here, I'm lean and tall
Throw it deep and I'll outrun 'em all
Me and Moose always cause a fuss,
Making defenses crazy tryin to stick with us
I'm sweet off the field and I'm smooth in the game
Winning's my goal, not fortune and fame
I didn't come here just for fun
I won't stop 'til we're number 1

Lovie Smith
Lovie here, and I'm a soul man
When it comes to winning, I got the plan
Ladies love Lovie, I always look fly
Now that Ditka's gone, I'm the guy"Da Coach" and leader, of Papa Bear's boys
Come on Chicago, make some noise
You better start making your Super Bowl plans
'Cause we're goin' to Miami, and we're bringin' our fans

Da Bears!

My Dream Girl

Hi

What more can I say?
http://cbs4.com/watercooler/local_story_030141323.html

Or click here, too.

What a brilliant move on her part. I can honestly say that I love her. ;)

Da Bears!

New Year's Resolution (...a month later)

Hi

Oh crap. No one mentioned that 2007 has already started. How could I NOT list my New Year's Resolutions?

1) Getting into shape. Really, I'm adding this one more so out of tradition and only partially out of necessity. Here are some motivating factors for why I need to get into shape:
a) Psychological damage caused by the following people:
- The momz: I don't like her grabbing my stomach instead of my ears when she wants to discipline me...
- Zareen: Her IM message to me of "How do you stay in such good shape, Imran?" And she claims to be oh-so-nice...
- Taha: His innumerable comments like, "You're such a lovable teddy bear, Imran. Never lose any weight."
- Prince Hassan: His innumerable comments, too. Chief among them are, "You're the world's greatest pillow."
- Harris: We see each other maybe once a month (if that) and each time before saying salaam he'll say, "Oh wow. You've gained some weight again, huh?" (I would think to myself, Damn, I just lost a couple pounds, too...)
- My brothers: Let's not forget these punks. Umar calling me "Mad Handles" on the basketball court. Yeah, I was as surprised as you, too! He doesn't call me that because of my sick crossover either. Ali's constant reminding of, "Man, your soph yr in college you were in such good shape. You used to have to muscle on you. Remember that? Do you? Well, do you?! What happened?"

b) Girls. Okay, I was going to try to not put this on here, but let's face it. Girls don't want a teddy bear as a man, Taha. They want teddy bears as a Valentine's gift with chocolate and lingerie.

c) Health. I guess for personal longevity, happiness, etc. I should, shouldn't I? Sure, this should've been the primary reason, but I told you...I've got some psychological damage here now! Some major insecurities.

d) Nights with the fellas. Okay, so I have this bad habit. It's like my version of being a drug junkie or an alcoholic. When I'm with AJ, Taha, Hassan, Farooq, Viray, [insert all friends' names] I have a bad of habit of show casing myself. I can't stop it either. It's an uncontrollable impule. You see, when people least expect it, I'll enter the room without my shirt on. TMI? Well, I love doing it. I feel great and I'll do it for a good 10 minutes (until someone tries to take a picture), but all I hear during those ten minutes is laughter. Like LOL-ing to the max. I don't get it! Thoughts?

e) Eh, why not?

2) Write an ode to Jonelle. This will come in 2007, "Empress J." I can feel it...

3) Go back to school. InshaAllah. Make dua.

4) Beat AJ in Madden. InshaAllah, this is the year. Da brotha has been on a tear as of late...

5) Beat Taha one-on-one. InshaAllah, this is the year. I can feel it. The last time we played, I almost had him.

6) Get promoted. CPM (clinical project manager) Level II. Please make dua. I'll then finally achieve my dream of making $250,000 before turning 28. The $175k right now is pretty good, but not good enough. I've got a lot of baby mommaz to take care of, player...

7) Start a business. Okay, if you believe the cash flow amounts in number 6 above, you're pretty dumb and live in a nice fantasy world where I wish I could join you. Dude, if I was a baller like that (inshaAllah, I will be), I'd have a personal assistant writing these blogs. Anyway, the ultimate goal is to have your own business. This is more so a long-term resolution, but an important one to set nonetheless.

8) Work less hoursGet into work earlierSleep earlier on weeknights. What's sad is that even if I get into work earlier, I know that I'll just be used to working late anyway. Also, the amount of work I have wouldn't allow me to leave much earlier anyway. But, regardless, I need to learn when to quit. Being a workaholic is in a twisted way enjoyable, but not healthy in many ways either. I guess "time management" is probably a better buzz phrase I could use for this resolution. (AJ, how much do we talk about this?!)

9) Pursue my singing dreams. Yep, it's a very little known fact, but I'm now airing it out there: I can actually sing, people. Only my brothers Ali and Umar know this. Unfortunately, it's not rap or r&b like I'd want it to be, but alternative. But, according to my bros, I've got the talent for it. I really think that this is the year that I should go all out and do what it take to get my name out there. It'll definitely add some interesting stories to the blog.

10) Islam. Don't get me wrong here, folks. I've saved the best, or I guess most needed, for last. Being an interested observer of what people go through in life and trying to figure out an answer for it all (my own actions included), I inevitably come to the decisive conclusion that Islam truly has the answers to life. To how we should live and get through all our troubles. It's there for the taking; Allah's Mercy and Forgiveness is available should our hearts not be callous enough to prevent it from penetrating. Walking the blessed path of The Beloved (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) is an honor not to be taken lightly or compromised for ultimately meaningless whims and misplaced desires. May Allah guide me and us all. Allah huma sali Allah Muhammad. Ameen.

Well, that's pretty much it, guys. On a serious note, please wish me luck in all this and remember me & my family in your prayers.

Oh, and on a less serious note, if you were convinced by number nine above, then you're still in that crazy fantasy world I was talking about earlier. So gullible, aren't we?! :)

Cheers, mate

Animator vs Animation (Flash)

Hi

As a (somewhat) techy kinda of guy, this is fricking awesome:



Courtesy of Faisal Raja. And here are some other similar ones that are pretty cool:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qo1d6ttbAq8
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=Lubin

Cheers

Bears: THE Video

Hi

Get ready to Bear Down! This is beautiful. You'll get SO pumped!



BEARS!

Da Bears - Super Bowl Bound, Enough Said!

Da Bears!

What can I say? What can I say?!! That this has been a life long dream of mine (since '85 when I was only 6)? That watching this game during the greatest flight delay in Mexico City was priceless and a gift from Allah? That I literally wanted to cry, dance, sing, yell, run out of sheer I-don't-know-what-to-feel-right-now emotions?! That these are going to be the longest two weeks of my life? That I can't sleep right now because I'm reading stuff about the Bears? Looking at pictures? That this is THE moment I've been waiting for? Through all those losses where I still endured my obsessiveness and love for Da Bears? Seriously, WHAT CAN I SAY?

I guess, for starters, Alhamdullilah!

And what will I be able to say in two weeks when we inshaAllah win the game?! I don't know. Look at the skyline (not the drunk white guy): Have you seen anything more beatiful?

May Allah grant the Bears a Super Bowl Victory. Allah huma sali Allah Muhammad. Ameen.

DA BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!