An Ode To A Kashmiri...
Hi
It's no secret that I've been on edge lately with my love-hate, passionate, and flaming relationship with Ahmed Hassan. His guju-like antics have been annoying to me. Despite that, I fall victim to his flamingly hot hair and messages of, "I still love you" after he hardcore disses me. It's painful, but in true fashion of a woman, I come back to him each time as if nothing has happened.
What his charm is, I don't know. I wonder how a presumably sane girl could ever fall in love with a guy like him. If there IS a girl out there, she's gotta have a thing for rollercoaster rides, because AH puts you through the biggest emotional rollercoaster ride of your life...
Here's a recent gmail chat we had shortly after my Mexico City trip:
Ahmed: look who it is...
me: Wow. How are the wife and kids? It's been so long. Is Prince Junior off to college now?
Ahmed: actually i named my firstborn imran, after a friend i used to have got kidnapped in mexico. i never heard from him since
me: Kidnapped? I heard that he made a run for the border b/c his old best friend (some Kashmiri prince guy) left him... The story is being put out everywhere. Hell, maybe I should put it on my blog?
Ahmed: wouldnt know about that, cuz last i heard the punjabi kid just used the kashmiri to go see his house in stl, then immediately cut off all contact
me: "An Ode to the Kashmiri-Punjabi Love Affair"
Ahmed: my mom always told me never to get emotionally involved with punjabis "theyll ALWAYS end up breakin ur heart" she would say. i shoulda known
me: Is that what you heard?
Ahmed: thats what i KNOW
me: I've been told through great Punjabi narrations of epic love stories that "The Kashmiri will entrance you, take you to his home, make you fall in love with him, his hometown, his parents. And then, when you're at Cloud 9, he'll drop you like an anvil dropping on Wild E Coyote" (I may have lost something in the translation). But that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
Ahmed: thats cuz the translation was misinterpreted by uneducated punjabi servants
me: InshaAllah, I plan a rescue party for this guy's lost soul. Maybe he'll be reunited with his friend one day. Maybe. If only there are 100 other people around, though... On a serious note...does Taha know you're IM-ing me? Is he in the same room? I mean, did you get the authorization to do this? You know? Talk to me without Taha not being in a 15 feet radius?
Ahmed: on an ACTUAL serious note, do u even know who this is? im NOT taha or aj or sami or lord v or or krishna or tariq or farooq or raja or [insert girl name]
me: oooh wow.
Ahmed: yea thats what i thought
me: I see how this is. I see how a dirty Kashmiri has to play this dangerous game of love
Ahmed: well this dirty kashmiri has to get his beauty sleep, but word around the hood is he might see u here tomm night in which case i would cancel EVERYTHING
me: That's a lie. I'm going to see Taha, that's about it!
LIAR!!
Ahmed: but in the mean time, all i can do is pray that the rumors are true
me: You wouldn't cancel ANYTHING for me!! In fact, you'd come up with convoluded stories of how you've all-of-a-sudden heated up your mom's food and can't have me over to chill out
Ahmed: low blow!! that actually happened
me: Now imagine THAT!!!
Ahmed: thats it, im going to bed, and i best wake up tomm and u best get down here to see me!!
me: Damn straight it actually happened! Go to bed. Dream of a love that once was, too... :P
Ahmed: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---
That was the last time I ever heard or seen Ahmed Hassan and thus the inspiration to write this ode to him. If you've seen him, please call 9-1-1 right away. He needs to be held accountable for what he does. Oh, and if you do see him, tell him that I still love him...
Peace out, A-Town.
It's no secret that I've been on edge lately with my love-hate, passionate, and flaming relationship with Ahmed Hassan. His guju-like antics have been annoying to me. Despite that, I fall victim to his flamingly hot hair and messages of, "I still love you" after he hardcore disses me. It's painful, but in true fashion of a woman, I come back to him each time as if nothing has happened.
What his charm is, I don't know. I wonder how a presumably sane girl could ever fall in love with a guy like him. If there IS a girl out there, she's gotta have a thing for rollercoaster rides, because AH puts you through the biggest emotional rollercoaster ride of your life...
Here's a recent gmail chat we had shortly after my Mexico City trip:
Ahmed: look who it is...
me: Wow. How are the wife and kids? It's been so long. Is Prince Junior off to college now?
Ahmed: actually i named my firstborn imran, after a friend i used to have got kidnapped in mexico. i never heard from him since
me: Kidnapped? I heard that he made a run for the border b/c his old best friend (some Kashmiri prince guy) left him... The story is being put out everywhere. Hell, maybe I should put it on my blog?
Ahmed: wouldnt know about that, cuz last i heard the punjabi kid just used the kashmiri to go see his house in stl, then immediately cut off all contact
me: "An Ode to the Kashmiri-Punjabi Love Affair"
Ahmed: my mom always told me never to get emotionally involved with punjabis "theyll ALWAYS end up breakin ur heart" she would say. i shoulda known
me: Is that what you heard?
Ahmed: thats what i KNOW
me: I've been told through great Punjabi narrations of epic love stories that "The Kashmiri will entrance you, take you to his home, make you fall in love with him, his hometown, his parents. And then, when you're at Cloud 9, he'll drop you like an anvil dropping on Wild E Coyote" (I may have lost something in the translation). But that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
Ahmed: thats cuz the translation was misinterpreted by uneducated punjabi servants
me: InshaAllah, I plan a rescue party for this guy's lost soul. Maybe he'll be reunited with his friend one day. Maybe. If only there are 100 other people around, though... On a serious note...does Taha know you're IM-ing me? Is he in the same room? I mean, did you get the authorization to do this? You know? Talk to me without Taha not being in a 15 feet radius?
Ahmed: on an ACTUAL serious note, do u even know who this is? im NOT taha or aj or sami or lord v or or krishna or tariq or farooq or raja or [insert girl name]
me: oooh wow.
Ahmed: yea thats what i thought
me: I see how this is. I see how a dirty Kashmiri has to play this dangerous game of love
Ahmed: well this dirty kashmiri has to get his beauty sleep, but word around the hood is he might see u here tomm night in which case i would cancel EVERYTHING
me: That's a lie. I'm going to see Taha, that's about it!
LIAR!!
Ahmed: but in the mean time, all i can do is pray that the rumors are true
me: You wouldn't cancel ANYTHING for me!! In fact, you'd come up with convoluded stories of how you've all-of-a-sudden heated up your mom's food and can't have me over to chill out
Ahmed: low blow!! that actually happened
me: Now imagine THAT!!!
Ahmed: thats it, im going to bed, and i best wake up tomm and u best get down here to see me!!
me: Damn straight it actually happened! Go to bed. Dream of a love that once was, too... :P
Ahmed: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---
That was the last time I ever heard or seen Ahmed Hassan and thus the inspiration to write this ode to him. If you've seen him, please call 9-1-1 right away. He needs to be held accountable for what he does. Oh, and if you do see him, tell him that I still love him...
Peace out, A-Town.
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