It's Closer Than You Think (guest blogger: Fahad)

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So upon hearing news of my engagement, my boy Fahad wrote me an ode of sorts. This is a great and hysterical account; much love to you, my man! Looking forward to more guest entries:

Blogger's Note: Some content has been edited out due to typical Masood-like wording. Such content has been noted with "[censored]" or "[bleeped]." Please contact me or Masood for the wording offline...:

True story:

I wake up on Tuesday, February 26th at 7.30 am. I typically wake up, and the first thing I do is check my work cell phone for emails. Usually I get emails from China, Germany, and Prague that don’t have anything to do with me. I delete them in the order that they are received. As I am scrolling down I see an email from Imran. Now the weird thing is that Imran never emails my work account, so to see his email was weird in itself, but then I read the email and now I know something is up:

Hi Fahad,

Give me a call when you can. Just heard you lost/damaged your phone. So call me from work tomorrow on my cell. Had to ask you something asap.

I had damaged my cell phone yesterday and posted this on our email list. Why would Imran care if I lost/damaged my phone, I thought to myself, Does he have an extra one or something? Maybe the same thing happened to him and he wanted me to call him to console him? Does he secretly work for T-Mobile?! All these questions were dancing in my head like a bhangra competition.

So I decided on my way to work I would call Imran and find out what was going on. We typically greet each other with a “do me” before salaam, and the phone conversation started off with loud “do me!” This is always great and really never gets old and the convo goes a little something like this:

Imran: “I heard you damaged your phone, [censored]?”
Me: “Yeah man, I [bleeped] it”
Imran: “Hahaha, that’s awesome”

Then there is an awkward silence.

Imran: “I wanted to let you know that I'M ENGAGED BRO!” (I can’t remember if he actually did say "bro," but I just added in there)
Me: “WHAT THE FRICK!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!? TALK ABOUT UNEXPECTED!”
Imran: “The baaat pakeee (solid confirmation) was last weekend”
Me: “No way! That is awesome, Mubarak!”

Then it hit me, getting married is a lot closer and easier than I thought! Maybe that’s a premature idea (twss), but just to think that a few weeks ago my good friend Imran was still a bachelor, and now he is engaged really put it into perspective. And that would be: If he can get hitched, I’m a shoe in! Haha, ok so I really didn’t think that but you could imagine what it would be like if I did. The point is, a lot of guys put too much thought into the whole process when really it’s not as hard as you think (twss, I’m sorry I just can’t help it).

With that being said, I am truly happy for our dear friend Imran “2pac” Shakur. Never would I imagined even just a few days ago that Imran would call me and say dude I’m engaged and not actually be joking. You see one time I got a text from him saying "I’m engaged," but I didn’t really believe it and someone (won’t mention names here [blogger's note: I don't mind, it was AH!]) hijacked his phone and sent that text out, but I knew it wasn’t true because that is not his style.

Over the next few months, the guys have to teach Imran a few things before he divulges into marriage which he may think he knows, but truly he has no clue!

1.) Burn those GD cargo pants! This is not 1994 Imran and you are not a wild man (as much as you like to think so). Just because Old Navy has a sale doesn’t mean you have to buy from them! We will teach you how to dress to meet your personality. You can be gq without trying to look like Taha or Sami or Masood.
2.) Teach you how to be a smooth “offline”. The key word being offline here. The thing with Imran is he loves to chat it up on blogs, online, and emails, but he is a bit more subdued in larger group settings. We will teach you how to work crowds, throw in some jokes, and have the crowd on your side without requiring you to take off your shirt (we all know you love to do this)
3.) Trim sideburns. Sometimes Imran has sideburns, and sometimes magically they are gone! I don’t understand it myself and I don’t even think David Blaine could do that trick. We will teach you how to keep them at all times.


Best of luck Imran! We will guide you thru this journey……