2008 New Year's Resolutions

Hi

Happy New Year!

Let’s ring in 2008, folks. 2007 is officially over with and that means that your 2007 New Year’s resolutions are to be refreshed in ‘08, because, after all, who really accomplishes their New Year’s resolutions anyway?!

Having said that, though, I think it’s important that we set forth the 2008 New Year’s resolutions so we can achieve some reasonable expectations in our lives; a motivation to improve upon strengths and weaknesses. And this year I’d like to take the liberty of doing it on behalf of people I know, so let’s start:

Ali: To at least think about leaving his laptop for a period greater than 1 hour. To write a blog entry more than 3 sentences long. Oh, and to write an entry that’s actually interesting, not something like, “This computer article on how to revamp your home network is really interesting. You should read it.” And to get married.

Umar: To possibly invest some time into investigating whether or not GH (growth hormone) pills could get him to break that ever illusive 5 feet mark. To get married, but first to stop running away from hot doctor chicks (note plural usage of “chick”). To improve upon in Madden by playing the local grade school kids first.

Taha: Ease up on the roids and the roid rage when he doesn’t get his choice of food. To officially give up allegiances to STL and to stop bandwagoning in sports. To relive the days of ghanishakur glory that once was.

AJ: To relive the days of glory where he came by my crib every weekend. To brush up on his Madden skills before I totally eclipse him. To at least think about not being so incredibly whipped (just give it some thought). To work on his family and wife accepting me (note: this is a repetitive resolution).

Hassan/AH: Give up on turning tables so much before we start to think that he’s a waiter and not a “doctor.” Oh, and on the subject of his profession, in ’08 he should prove to people that he’s actually saving lives by working. He should also resolve to use his own money for once when buying clothes or taking people out to eat (not his sugar momma’s money). To get over himself by calling and emailing people. To surgically remove that blemish he calls a beauty mark (i.e. the mole). To free up his weekends for his friends, but prior to that, to remember who his "friends" are. To stop sending out text blasts to all his friends asking, “What are the plans tonite?” and then pick and choose from whomever is most likely willing to treat him out. To…you know what, I’m beginning to think that I could write a separate entry about his 2008 resolutions…

Farooq: While continuing his trend on being the King of Corporate America, to remember me on the way to the top. To call me or at least remember me in his duas (at least the duas). To also be nice to me at least once per month in emails, especially group emails, so people don’t think that he actually hates me (note: this is a similar resolution that Sayeed has, though we are still determining if he actually does hate me or not…). To extend that even further by being nice to Fahad, too. To get married ASAP, but go on another mini-vacation weekend trip with me (i.e. to not wait another 2-3 years or when he gets permission from Zubair/Sarfraz).

Fahad: To get married ASAP (maybe to The Predicament). To stop stalking random, hot women and sending them messages confessing his love (repeat resolution). To stop taking pictures of…well, he knows what I’m talking about. Stop calling himself “Masood.”

Aref: To stop fitting into Hassan’s back pocket so much. We don’t need another AH running about. This also includes a resolution to stop taking hundreds of pictures of AH when they’re at my house.

Tariq: No resolutions for 2008 for him as long as he continues to enjoy Frosty Fridays with me. His life is perfect, mashaAllah.

Taha/Hassan/Me: Not to take more than 45 minutes to decide where to eat.

Z: After talking to her fiancé, AH, he wanted me to communicate the following: “lose some weight before the wedding and stop being so sensitive.” I don’t know what he meant, but that’s what he told me so I thought I’d include it. In addition, Zareen is to be nice to Imran for once inshaAllah'ta'ala. Have Imran emcee the wedding. Stop micromanaging Hassan until at least the wedding.

Sana: Stop thinking that she has more rights over Taha than I do. To also come to terms with me sitting in between them during the wedding ceremonies. Also have Imran emcee the wedding. To treat Imran out for dinners (KFC doesn't count).

KR: To stop flirting with 12 year old hijabi girls during ISNA (and his speeches). To invite me to his house at least once to play Madden. To also stop breaking my heart by calling my brother Umar a heartthrob and not me.

Harris: To stop telling us that he’s willing to meet up for lunch or dinners and then sellout once he’s unable to secure someone being his personal chauffeur.

Sofia: To acknowledge that the AJ-Pac connection is unbreakable.

Baseer: To give serious on thought on renaming Zayd to Imran.

Sarosh: To give up on The Hate and welcome in The Love and a path to goodness...

Irfan: To take Zen classes so he can stop yelling all the time.

Awais: To stop fantasizing about being Arab. To call Imran at least once in ’08.

Beast (Anurag): To stop hammering his opponents while down in the post for basketball with an axe.

Most of my Arab friends: To recognize that, yes, desis can be Muslims, too, and that biryani is the international food of choice for all Muslims. That and SGPs from Italian Express.

Ye Faithful Blog Readers: To continue and increase blog reading and spread the word...

Oh, and last, but not least…

My future wife: To find me, dammit! What’s your problem! Where art thou?!

Props goes to my boy Aref for suggesting this epic idea. I think Aref would probably like me to get much more personal for some people (like Zareen, Hassan, or Mo Lester), but I chose to take the higher ground in 2008.

My own resolutions to come shortly, folks. But I encourage you to post any of your comments for suggestions. I also encourage you to finally “man (or woman) up” and achieve these goals in 2008. It’s a new year, people. Anything is possible.


God’s speed and Best Wishes in 2008