On Fatherhood...

AA,

SubhanAllah, I was lucky enough to visit Shaykh Faraz Rabbani's blog today and through that come across Shaykh Suhaib Webb's blog. I guess I'm a little happier than normal visiting Sh Faraz's/Suhaib's blogs because of a really, really beautiful blog entry Sh Suhaib recently wrote on: Fatherhood and its inherent importance.

Often times, for one reason or another, I find myself thinking about how I will be to my wife and children inshaAllah. How I can possibly take on this tremendous role of being a great father and a great husband (of course, all the while maintaining my greatness in being a great son, grandson, brother, cousin, friend, etc. -- haha, just kidding, everyone!). I guess I "worry" about it because at this point in my life I KNOW that there's so much I need to work on in improving myself. Alhamdullilah, I'm grateful for what I have and who I am, but of course I know that there's sooooo much more for me to do. Really, what it comes down to is being a man of integrity (a point that Sh Suhaib mentions) and being consistent (in everything).

Now, don't think I'm a loser or anything, people. I handle my business one way or another, mashaAllah; but I also don't want to fool myself into believing I'm perfect. The "sufi" in my blog title is far off in actually who I am right now, but is dead-on on whom I want to be. The real sufis (please save me your ignorant perceptions on what that is if it's negative) are men in every sense of the word. Let's not get that twisted. I confidently say this because I see and realize it more and more on a daily basis. Their integrity, selflessness, knowledge, humbleness, love, and demeanor fills the heart with a purpose, contentment, and most definitely inspiration (such are the benefits of being amongst such company; too bad for me that I cannot experience it for every breath of my life).

You see, my problem is maintaining that feeling of inspiration/purpose. Or building upon it when I do have it. It's things like that that I want to improve on. Being at a certain level iman-wise. There are of course other levels (i.e., emotional and financial) that are also important to consider. Okay, I'm getting more into my (current) thoughts on marriage, so let's get back to the topic at hand...

Growing up, you can find yourself hating or at least questioning why your parents raise you the way they do. Like in terms of their strictness, over-protectiveness, and things of that nature. But the older I get and the more I think about the need and desire for getting married and then having my own kids, the more I understand why our parents behave that way. They want the best for their flesh and blood. They want to protect them whenever possible so that their children can avoid going through, put simply, crap. Of course, the difficulty here is managing this process and implementing your unique style in the spirit of the Sunnah. This is why articles like Sh Suhaib Webb's are so critical for us to read; regardless of being married or having children.

Adding on to the following statement I just made: "But the older I get and the more I think about the need and desire for getting married and then having my own kids, the more I understand why our parents behave that way..." AND the more I worry about how I've treated my own. From a selfish point-of-view, what goes around, comes around, right? From every other possible point of view, FRICK! Where's my friggen adab and reverence for my own parents (mother)?! If I have these perceptions of what I would like to be when I am a father (loving, religious, patient, etc.) and how I would like my kids to be raised like (good Muslims), should I not then question myself on how I act towards my own mother? Again, don't get the impression here that I'm this dissident punk out wreaking havoc, but just know that I acknowledge the need for self-improvement, which is something everyone has to do at one point. InshaAllah, this is my point in life. So I think first steps, for someone like me, prior to manifesting Sh Suhaib's advice is to analyze your own situation/personality/mannerisms as critically and objectively as possible. Upon a self-realization on the need to improve xyz in your life comes the need to follow through and do something about it. Once you do that and become, here's that key word again, consistent in the 'new' you, then you can begin to think more seriously in a pragmatic way about marriage and then children/being a good father. However, it's important to note that this in no way down plays what Sh Suhaib has to offer. Most importantly, to be able to make this change(s) in one's life, you have to call upon Allah's tremendous Favor and Mercy. Afterall, no good can come your way if Allah does not Will it.

You know, I could go on-and-on here, but I won't. Instead, I request that you make dua for me and take some time to read Shaykh Suhaib Webb's amazing and inspiring advice on "Five Foundations of Fatherhood."

Fi Aman Allah