The Yearning...

The Yearning

As I sit here and contemplate about you (sw), it dawns upon me that my problem is now self-evident.

How I yearn for another glimpse of you, but how I do nothing to earn it.

So I send my salaam and wish peace and blessings upon you, hoping for your duas.

How I wish I was that tree that you rested upon. How I think that the tree had a better life and purpose than myself. From the distance, the tree provided you comfort with its shade. Yet in reality, it was your shade that penetrated its bark with comfort. And your love that served as its water and nourishment. How hard has my heart become and dried my tears are if I, a being with emotions, intellect, and a soul, do not have the same reverence as a simple tree? How far has this unfortunate nomad ventured if but a simple tree cried upon hearing that you (sw) were to move it elsewhere. How lifeless is this soul that does not pray as he should when the tree prayed and pleaded that you not remove it. And how can your kindness be measured when you told this tree that you would plant it elsewhere. Why am I unable to realize and yearn like a simple tree does?

How I wish I was the wine that was presented to you. Though you chose milk, how fortunate was that glass to be in your presence. And then to further be presented as an option to you. And though it was permissible for you, you did not take it.

I am the worst among them, yet our Beloved (swt) blessed these lifeless eyes with a glimpse of you in serene perfection. Indeed, how Merciful is He that facilitated this to a slave who has surrendered himself to his whims. And how merciful are you, that you gave me a few seconds of your time. Your mercy and His Mercy are beyond what words or even a heart can feel or manifest.

A nomadic slave without purpose was given a moment of peace. If there was an action or an intention that was pleasing to Thee, please let me know what it was. So that I may do it again and again and again. So that I can enact that moment for an entire lifetime.

I am, in a word, clueless. Or in other words, a prolific sinner. You are knowledgeable and my Protector. You have given this nomad light in a desert of loneliness. A desert devoid even that of warmth or coldness. A desert that is nothing more but barren waste. A place where you find no one else and see reflections of a wasted life. Yet, You are tremendous. And without forewarning, Your Might Hand lifts me out of these depths. Indeed, you are All-Hearing. That, despite this loneliness and sin, you inspire me to make a dua for Your Assistance. And through all the broken reflections, You cup me in Your Hand and return me to light.

Paradoxically, I then desire nothing more but more loneliness. But now a type of solitude to where I am left to only Thee and thoughts of Thy Beloved.


Ya Nabi Salaam Alayka